Invisible Man

light

2009-02-17T23:32:00.003+08:00

Then it was dark, now it is bright
A beacon of hope, shed some light
At first I was alone..
But now...theres you
Never apart
Beneath the twilight

Financial Heartbeat

2009-02-04T13:17:00.001+08:00

Hey guys, hope you all are doing fine in this troubled times. I would like to announce that I have a new blog set up. do feel free to go visit ok.

http://susiayanto.blogspot.com/

May we all be blessed with good health and wealth

round round baby

2008-11-05T13:19:00.000+08:00

The magic circle of life. To be born, to be young, to be old and to die. The never endless chain or cycle that never fails to take place. Everyone in this domain which we call life will inevitably be subjected to its power.

ROUND ROUND BABY

Have you all look at the sky lately, that big circular burning orb which existence is crucial to the survival of not only Earth, but other planets in this solar system. Circles or more exact, spheres are of importance to us. It represents life. cycle. and some might call a ritual. What goes around comes around. Why? Because we are living in a circle. What goes up must come down, what goes west...will be in the east at one point.

In this cycle, there are stages. I categorize life into 6 stages. The Slacker, The Lost, The Seeker, The Leader and lastly The Legend. For those who don' t understand what these words means, Let me help you in that.

The Slacker - As a kid, All we do is play and study. We might have believed that we did put in a lot of effort in studying...but seriously, How much work can a kid get himself in.

The Lost - Teen hood, need I say more

The Seeker - As young adults, we seek valuable knowledge in preparing ourselves in this journey

The Leader - The stage where one is married and has a family. We can never run away from leadership. As much as we do want to be a follower, We just cant.

The Legend - Old and grey.....what ever success that you have brought to yourself and your family will make you into a legend. You'd be the story people would love to tell. Even if you are not successful. You'd still be a legend......its just that you'd be the negative example.

I received lots of wedding cards lately......darn I'm feeling old. Why don't people send me wedding proposals as well (HAHA).

Rewind 0.1

2008-10-19T00:25:00.000+08:00

I was or maybe I still am, a 'deep' person. I like to think....as in think if things that im not suppose to. I don't know why but its becoming more of a habit. This is one of those times I was feeling rather 'deep' and spiritual. I wonder if you guys can get what I was trying to convey

REWIND 0.1

Mute

September 2nd, 2007 by yanzryo

I tried to look for the stars tonight….but I cant seem to find any…any of the ones I remember seeing. However…I know that they are there…hiding themselves from view….for maybe they are unable to glow as bright, Deemed to be in isolation.

The moon seemed bright…..its majaestic pressence, overshadowing any in the night sky….occasionally wraping itself underneath a blanket of clouds…or at times peeking through from the darkness, shy and unsure.

When was the last time we actually sit down and observe. Observe the wealth of creation surrounding us.Looking out for that favourite star we had since we were young….or the familiar smell of dusk when we open our eyes.We used to be amazed by so many things when we were young. By the first glimps of the morning sun…..till the ever blue eternal sky,painted with patches of white clouds or occasionlly decorated with ribbons of white.

As we grow older…..we forget all this things…is it complacency? is it ignorence? Slowly…one by one….the stars are hiding….intimidated by us…or even upset that no one seem to marvel at its beauty. The chirping of birds in the morning silenced by the rumbling engines and irritating honking of cars. The sweet melody of the rivers dampen by the noise we sometimes call music.

Mankind wanted to conquer the world…and they did. Like a plague sweeping across vast continents, uprooting anything in their path. Ironically….they wonder at times…what is their purpose in life. Some had the vision clear…while some vaguely remembers the idea in mind. At the instant we came out from the passage to this realm. The first breath of air…the first cry….what was it that we were told to do. As strangers held our frail body…as stange faces became familiar….did we try remembering the message we were to convey…or were we swept away by what this world has to offer.

This transitional realm…on borrowed time. Govern by its new human masters. We tend to be ignorant of this fact. That we are here for only a while. Restraint by ideals we ourselve create….restraint by ideas we ourselve create. Man wants the world.Being a tear drop in the vast ocean of tears….tears shed by the angels and the native beings before…are we blind? or do we choose to be blind….are we deaf or are do we choose to be deaf…but one thing we are not…is dat we are not mute.Words that are poisonous to us and the entities around. Words that drift us away from what we should do.We spoke……but unsure if its the ones we were suppose to be speaking of.

Gravity did ITS job in anchoring all of us to the ground….ITS amused by how proud man sounded when he claim dat he can deny IT. As man soar in his new found toys…how IT wish it has the power to not only ground Man physically…but also his swelling ego. To remind Man that they are like a grain of sand…whose destination is not in their power…whose destination is determined by the rivers or wind that moves it around.

I want to look at the stars again….I want to be enchanted once more by their beauty.I want to wake up from this nightmare. I want to no longer be deaf or blind. As I begin on this new path…not walking..but crawling in humility. Ashamed of the ignorance thats in me. Ashamed for being who I am, Ungrateful in every sense. As I crawl towards that beacon ahead…I will try to remember my best the message that im suppose to convey..the message that was entrusted. And when I reach the passage…greeted by hands alien to me….I hope to remember….

……I MUST.

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So..did you get it?

Rewind

2008-10-16T20:47:00.000+08:00

I was looking at my previous entries from the various domains that I have and its hard to believe some of the things that I can come out with. Anyways I have decided to actually have a repost of the entries that I think is useful.

REWIND

DISCLAIMER: Past performance does not equate to future performance.
haven't you heard? People change.... :)

LOVE

July 16th, 2007 by yanzryo

LOVE…a four letter word that means nothing to some…but alot to others…….

Like respect, to get it or feel it, you must give it. Its something you have to show. By wat means…that is up to you and the person you love….

Ultimately, it has to be felt…for optimum results.

If you love someone alot…..show them you sincerely do…or even do stupid stuff for them. Do not be shocked if you do not get the same treatment in return. For to some, you do not have to show love to say that you love someone. Like I said before, for both to benefit from it, being mutual is the best.

For if both knows the extend of love each other has for each other, small problems can be settled, your mind wont get to the state of paranoia, simply state, love conquers all.

So think about it, when was the last time you told that special someone you really love him/her. not just by words, but by actions…which adds on to the sincerity. If you have not done so, try before its too late. Maybe just drop by his/her place with gifts, surprise him/her w a hug….you know…nice heart warming stuff.

Fuel. Things in life cant run long without ‘fuel’. like cars, we also need ‘fuel’ to work. nutritious food to fuel our strength to carry out various activities, challenging problems to fuel our minds to think and be alert, motivations to fuel our spirits….and what about love? Love also need that fuel.Sometimes..after years of marriage….couples tend to realise that their love for each other is declining.Why? that is because they take each other for granted. To think that being married itself is a life long pledge of love.Wrong.That is because, they fail to once in a while refuel their love, do something sweet for their partner, do that sacrifice once more as they did during courtship…dats the missing key.

If you believe that marriage is just a compromise between two people, than I am sad for you. True,compromise is important, thats where sacrifices lies.If there is no love to begin with, would you even get married in the first place? Im not talking about fix marriages. Im talking about love before marriage…the kind that most of us are looking for. But to get this, are you ready to give as well? theres no one way road here…theres always two.

Men by nature are tough in the emotions department. They may appear that they do not need to be shown love and stuff. However, the truth is, no matter how different both sexes are, we are both humans, born with a heart..with a capacity to feel. Maybe because of ego, it may appear that they do not want to be mushily treated. that doesnt mean you do not show them you love them. The key is occasionally. Occasionally show them you love them. For like women, we men also want to be loved. So, if you keep failing in relationships with man, think about it, have you been a good partner? Did you show your man what they mean to you..not juz verbally.

Women on the other hand…are very emotional. They need to be loved, to be secure. If you guy doesnt give you or show you that, be patient, look out for signs, hes sure to have done something nice to you…even how minute it is to you, for him its a great deal. over time…when hes comfortable, he will open more. However if he doesnt…maybe it is time to assess him on how much you really mean to him, or are you being taken on a ride (Spare Tyre)…till a better offer comes along

However, there are also guys who are very loving and passionate towards women. This I should say are the rare cases. However if you do come upon one, do not let him always be the one doing things…for sooner or later, if you do not comply to his feelings, then he may feel that hes the spare tyre. communicate. understand each other…show love to each other..

Show love to the person to the level that he/she shows love.I got this from someone. and i think it is very practical. If your partner keeps saying that they are helplessly romantic and stuff like that, do not be fooled into giving him/her what he/she wants…as in how he/she picture to be treated. For if they are the kind they say, they will act as how they want to be treated. so lay back…see how he/she treets you…and act accordingly… so in this case, you dont feel deprived and neither will the other party

Sad to say, for a guy I am hopelessly romantic. I try to give the best that I can offer to my partners. However, its been tried and tested that it doesnt seem to work that way. Cos some people just cannot treasure the things you do for them.Maybe they need more time to realise…or maybe their ego’s like that, BUT you have to take effort in confirming and not just give up. Im speaking in general of course. I believe in the concept of soulmate. That there is someone out there made for me. However, soulmates are humans as well. if you dont work out the relationship, things will end eventually. You are not so lucky as too marry that soulmate without any test.For I believe, God do not just give things that precious that easily. You have to go thru lots of hardships and tests…to know for certain whether he/she is the one. A relationship without flaws is fake. For nothing is perfect in this world. I kinda interviewed and studied a few marriages and relationships…and none of the sustaining ones manage to survive so long without fights and arguments. That i believe is the challenge….and at the end of the day….when everything resides…IF the love is strong…things will get better for both.Learn and move on together….

So if your expecting your soulmate to be a knight in a shining armor kinda thing…To be perfect and flawless…to always be full in love w each other….WAKE UP. That only happen in movies…maybe more like cartoons.

Call me jiwang call me silly or say that I am living in my fantasy world.Say what you want…but I am responsible for ME. This is how i am and I am not shy to admit it.

Things that I learn in the past week is to be responsible for yourself. For no one can help you if you are not. And right now, I am taking that responsibility. I am being responsible for my life. No more excuses.

"Judge and ye shall be judge", Abraham Lincon

Welcome To My Life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy but I’m not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like, what it’s like

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I cant believe I wrote that :P

Talk the talk...walk the walk

2008-10-16T00:36:00.005+08:00

My day started out with a loud bang. It was pouring this afternoon. Well I guess I can't complain about the thunder. It did help to wake me up. So I dressed up as fast as I can and got out.

TALK THE TALK....WALK THE WALK

Often people ask me,

You claim that you do not have any products to sell and you survey the market for the best products for the client. Where do you get your product knowledge from?

Yes true. I don't have any products to sell. I'm a service provider in short. For example, if you want a nice fast food meal, normally you'd just go to either of the fast food outlets. However, not all of the set meals there might satisfy your appetite. What I do is to give you the best that suits your appetite and budget.For example, for the best burger, I'll get you Burger King, fries..Mcdonalds and what about drink? Giant supermarket of cause. Thats what I do. Importantly, clients will not get shortchanged.

Regarding product knowledge, I will have to attend training by the various companies that is in the market. For example today, I had an NTUC Income training over at Brass Basah street. The view from the top of the building isn't as breath taking as that from capitol tower. However, it still captivates me in a way.

As expected from a homegrown company, The Spore Flag

Lovely

After training was done, looking at the lovely weather, I decided to take a walk....all the way to Tanjong Pagar for my appointment. The weather was perfect, It was bright and breezy. Don't you love the weather after the storm. It never fails to materialize. It can be stormy one moment...and the next thing you know, the sun is up again. Its the same with life in way. Everything in this world goes in a cycle. Be it the weather or market conditions. It always goes round in a loop.

Boat Quey

This sight never fail to impress me. In a short period of time, Singapore have pulled through..from a little red dot....to an extremely impressive red dot. Look at us, we have made our mark in the international scene. For this, MM Lee have my greatest admiration. I hope the future leaders of this country can further propel our beautiful country to greater heights. They have the caliber, I know for sure. Let us all keep our fingers crossed :)

The F1 Bus

2008-10-15T04:05:00.001+08:00

Part of the job scope as a financial advisor is that you are expected to be on the move ( or run when you are extremely late ). I realise that in this few months, Ive taken more busses then I ever did in the past 2 years. By that I mean new service number. Part of the perk that I get also is that I can have time to catch up with friends or do some quick shopping without having to fight with the weekend or evening crowd.

THE F1 BUS

I was rushing off to meet a friend just now and I don't know if you guys have seen this before, but I boarded an F1 bus. No kidding. It had BUCKET seats. I mean The only time i've sat in a bucket sit was in the arcade. Imagine a bus having that. Don't believe me? I have proof

The only thing missing here are seatbelts and a cool driver

Now where are those seatbelts ;)

They even have lane markings!

Check out the back seats..

It was an awesome ride indeed. Although I dont feel like im in a racecar, the experience sure was different. So tell me, have you guys been in one before?

Facelift

2008-10-14T09:05:00.000+08:00

Ok ive been trying to find a nice theme for my multiply site. I wish to have a nice black theme but till now, none of them catches my attention. So I decided to have this theme up for the moment.

FACE LIFT

Ok why the face-lift you might ask. Well the previous Naruto theme to me was awesome, however, I'm thinking of making this multiply site as a one stop domain to keep friends and whoever who drops by' updated with stuff about myself both personally and professionally. As I am in the Financial Advisory business, I think this is a good platform to give my professional advise as well as personal advise. This is a service that I am providing to the public..so why not share it here too.

So for the meantime do bear with the current theme. If you have any good black themes to share, please let me know ;)

Take care peeps

The Financial Advisor (insurance special)

2008-10-14T02:04:00.003+08:00

Often a time, people ask me. So bro, what are you doing now. I will answer them that I am a Financial Advisor. The normal reply I get will be... "oh...are you like an Insurance Agent?"

I will smile...and explain to them politely that no...I am not an insurance agent. If you are wondering if I am selling insurance, then I'll have to say, Yes, I do. but if you are equating me to an Insurance Agent, I am not. No offense to the Insurance Agents out there. Its a noble job like that of a teacher and doctor, what can be more beautiful than ensuring that ones family is insured...his love ones financially protected. If Insurance is sold correctly and for the right reasons, then I tell you...it sure is a noble career.

The Financial Advisor
(insurance special)

So then, what differentiate me from the Insurance Agents if I mysely sell insurance? My expertise is to create long term wealth and financial security. And unknown to some, Insurance is the foundation of your wealth enhancement and accumulation.

How so?

Can you insure your job? Yes sure...you are contracted....however, can you ensure on the survivability of your company. Lehman Bros had a long success track record...but over the weekend, It went bust. Such a huge bank, with good credentials and ratings.....going bust. Imagine that. How about AIG. The biggest insurance company in America, with a reputable record, was in the midst of collapsing a few weeks ago and caused major panic. So..what use is a contract if theres no job to work for in the first place.

My point is, anything can happen in life. Be it from market conditions to weather. You can never be so sure what tomorrow might bring you. What if you have a family to feed? Will you take the chance of leaving anything to 'chance' ? To not prepare yourself and the family on any disaster or calamity. Do you have the heart to see them suffer at the expense of your failure to anticipate calamity and manage the risk. Whats the point of saving so much and investing so much if all of that money is going to be pumped into your medical bills in the future due to some critical illness. Come on...we can even die from drinking milk nowadays. Can you guarantee that you wont get any critical illness? or can you guarantee your exact time of death so that you can save enough when you pass on suddenly? Hence I say, protection is the base of wealth accumulation.

But yan, whats the difference between you and the Insurance Agent, you still have not clarify that.

Ok...most people realise that insurance is a need. They are educated enough to realise that hey, I do need to plan for the future and this is one of the means. Its a need. Being under the IFA act, (independant financial Adisory), I am not product driven. I dont even have any products of my own to sell. We here in the IFA give professional advise on enhancing your whole financial portfolio which includes your protection. Some unethical agents sell for the sake of selling. I mean lets face it..if they were doing such a good job in the past, how come people still shun away at the mere mention of 'Insurance' . I'm not saying that all of them are bad, there are the good ones. However being a tied agent, insurance agent can only recommend products under their roof. Meaning to say that their advise is biased to the thing that they have. In the IFA, we can advise on a whole range of products available in the market. In short, clients are receiving wholesome unbiased advise to suit their needs. So in a nutshell, that is the major difference.

Ok, I see your point. But being a Muslim, I dont think it's right to put a price on my own life. I believe its wrong. An ustaz told me.

I would really appreciate it if you can share me the name and contact of this ustaz and I would like to consult him personally on what basis he is judging that on. Do not be misled. Insurance is never about putting a price on your head. Its about aiding your finances in times of calamities for example if you become disabled or suffering from critical illness. Imagine an individual who is 40, earning around 5K per month and have a a wife and 2 kids to feed. If he is to suffer from a critical illness in future, he will need alot of money to pay for his medical bills, or if he is disabled, who is to feed his family. In all, his family will be financially strained. What if he pass on? Who is going to provide that 5K for the family? Insurance is there to meet this needs. To help alleviate the financial burden. If Insurance is so wrong, then takaful should be wrong too.

What is tafakul?

In principle, the Takaful system is based on mutual co-operation, responsibility, assurance, protection and assistance between groups of participants. It is a form of mutual insurance (source : WIkipedia).Insurance works in the same way. However, what makes it not advisable (note its not stated as WRONG) for muslims is that it has a grey area to what investments that the insurance company is having. There is no right or no wrong. Its like when a muslim is in doubt of the purity of the food in terms of halal or haram. When in doubt 'jangan was was'. If a muslim is so particular regarding the investments the insurance company is having then I urge the muslim to transfer all his money into an islamic bank. Thats because believe it or not, the money that you put in commercial banks are invested. If not...why would they want to give you the 0.25% per annum. Thats just a minute fraction from the investment profit that they are receiving. So if you reject commercial insurance for such reasons, make a stand, change your bank. If you are so particular on where your money goes to, how about where your money comes from. Are you aware of your company's business partners? customers? are they in any form related to industries that we are prohibited to be involve in or subahat? What more with the new IR. With companies wanting a stake in that lucrative pie. So have you answered all these grey areas?

Insurance is more like ensuring that your responsibility is carried out even if you do not have the means too. Imagine if you have a wife. Does your responsibility to provide for her get discharged when you are disabled or ill? Yes you can go pass on and leave this world..but what is gonna happen to her? Who is going to help her survive?

But Yan...this are all fated.we must accept it..its gods will

Well yea....so try not to eat for a month then. wont you die? Is that gods will as well?

Thats crazy lah.of cos will die what. who so stupid dont want to eat...eat lah.

Then why can't someone plan for the future when he have the means to? Anticipate the calamity. If you fail to plan, wont you plan to fail? Rather than giving an excuse that it is all fate when you are sick and stuck on bed. Why not anticipate it and when such a time happen, you can be happy to know that you have prepared for it. What you do today is the result of tomorrow. True as Muslims we also have to believe in fate. But remember, God gives us a brain to think and actually map out our course in this life. The mother of a child suffering from cancer cant just say that 'oh its gods will, its fate' and let the child die. She will fight on and give her the best meds and make her survive or even get it cured (some patients can survive for a longer period after some operations to remove affected cancerous cells) Will she stop in helping cos she fear that its against fate? I dont think so.

Angel of mine

2008-10-08T02:34:00.003+08:00

Theres this belief that each of us have our guardian angel......to protect us from harm and in general help us in times of need. Well in the religious sense (which I am not focusing too much on) we each have two angels. One for keeping track of our good deeds and the other our sins. Anyways..I call this post,

ANGEL OF MINE

Have you ever had miracles? Or those mysteries that you cant figure out till today. Well I had my fair bit. And sometimes I wonder if I really am that lucky..or theres someone or something protecting me.

The Art Assignment

When I was in primary 4, I had an art assignment which had totally slipped my mind. It was around this time, during raya. When I reached home, I suddenly remembered that I have to hand in this assignment the very next day. The theme was National day if i'm not wrong. Ok...I panicked. So I took out the drawing block and doodled as fast as I could. It was 11am then and unlike now, my bed time then was 10. I was beat...especially after a whole day of 'raya collection'. I didnt manage to colour it. I gave up. put down my pencil and went to bed. The next day, when I woke up, everything was in place except that the picture was coloured. I was thrilled of cause but puzzled at the same time. I asked my parents if they helped me. They said they didnt.

Ok....true they might have told a white lie...thats one of the possibilities. But the way the picture was coloured...and from the fact that they didnt know where I keep my colour pencils, Its hard to doubt them. Oh the picture was coloured 'kiddishly'. As in from the strokes..you can tell.
Years later I learned that a family of 'Jins' live in the same flat that I did then. Maybe their kids helped me out..haha. I wonder.

Flying Fox

I was the biggest Fish in my uniform group back in secondary school. It was CCA day. A busy day whereby all the CCAs would put on a good show to try and ecruit as many freshies as possible. We had flying fox. After everything was set up, we decided to give it a try. Since nobody voluntered, as the leader, I took a step forward. I got on the ledge, grabbed tight to the loops thats hanging loosely across the rope above. Everything looked ok. The rope seemed taut enuff. I know that things were wrong the moment I jumped off. At 4 stories high. I slid down the rope like a meteor. The rope went slack....it was getting too low...at this rate, I'll hit the grown first before I can reach the end of the rope. I closed my eyes...gripped the loops tighter..lift up my leg as high as I could and prayed. SCRAAAPPPP.....my bum kissed the ground and left it as quickly as it touches it. My bum scrapped the ground. My jeans was torn. However I was unhurt. (besides my bum). Somehow I was 'lifted' inches away from the ground. Oh..I forget to mention, there was not enough people on top to actually help pull the rope to make it more taut while I was on it. 2 guys surely wont have the strength to carry the weight of the rope as well as mine.

Gas Gas Gas

I went home one day from school...tired and sleepy. Had a long day. Straight 4 hours lectures and 2 tutorials after that. It was 4 when I reached home. I noticed that the windows were all closed. An indication that my mum have been out for a long time since morning as it was raining heavily that day. After washing my feat, I went to my room. Something forced me to open the window side open. I dont normally do this as it will be too glaring for a nap. Dont know why, I just feel that I need to that day. SO I went to sleep. I woke up around 630pm. I went to the showers, lit up the lighter. and do my thang. Once done, I went out to take a look at the pots on the stove...was kinda hungry. Guess what, the gas was on. For 2hrs plus, Gas have been seeping throughout the whole house! I quickly rush to all the windows and open them wide open. Its a lucky thing that I open my window wide open. I could have died. And luckily, the gas cylinder didnt explode when I lit my lighter.

Ok there are still some incidents to share...but im getting tired....gosh its already 3. So sit back and recall...did you have any miracles to date?

Do you have an angel by your side?

Still the moment

2008-10-05T21:53:00.004+08:00

Ok ive spent the whole day at home (whats new rite) haha. Ok but this time its different. This time, we have guests...and not just guests..he had guestsssssssss. Have you ever experience the moment wherby you just blanked out...everything around you blurs away...for that moment..that split second, time stood still. (reminds me of the movie cashback) . Its as though you are stealing time...making it stand still. I call this entry

STILL THE MOMENT

I think ive grown a few wrinkles on my forehead from trying my best to control my anger with herman. The kid sure knows how to push the right button. This is why I dont tutor my own siblings. Monitor and supervise yes. Tutor...nah ah ah. I cant do it. I dont noe why...maybe its because I know them..like their style and all and it just wont happen you know. I hope Im not the only one who have this 'syndrome' . Thats because if you look it from another angle, its kinda irresponsible of me..sigh....

What is relativity. In laymans term, "when you are in a boring lecture, time seems to pass by very slowly.However when you are with the gal that you like, it seems to pass by very fast." That is relativity. Time was passing by very fast in the day. Busy running errands and entertaining guests.

They say that chivalry is dead. Is love dead as well? Well right now, it seems to me that it is. Everyones having problems in their relationships, some on the verge of breaking up, others ending what most people would call a happy ever after relationship. If Marriages can break apart, what more relationships huh. Its just so sad. Oh damn. This is so uncool. Ok emo moment pause here.

Yesterday, a friend told me that I am sensitive..so sensitive that i am sensitive of her being sensitive (haha). I thought about it...sad to say I think shes right. Then I went on a full rewind...thinking of how and why im like this.

Childhood

I was alone most of the time when I was young. I was the only child for 10 years. In this time, I was my mums company during the day. And mum being like other normal housewives will watch soap dramas and hindustan. Since there was only one TV then...I was forced to watch it. (cos i wasnt allowed to go down and play). All this thing about being nice...being helpful and all those naive virtues just seeped in i guess. Cos I remember reflecting upon myself after each episode...and i did actually talk to myself then (err weird..i noe). We always want to be the hero I guess. So I copied the hero. Not the valient brave hero from actionville..but those thats from across the bridge..from niceville. That explains alot I guess.

As much as possible I try to suppress this childhood naiveness of mine. I did lots of things. Mostly during my NS days. But that, is for another time. ;)

I fed this blog to my multiply...so for those who read this post from multiply, I dont blog through there. so sometimes, theres a disruption in format or smthing. But thats not the point. I was looking at all the other blog posts of my contacts. Strangely..I was reluctant to read them. Its like I dont want to know...cos its personal. I do know that what I write here..some personal, might be exploited or such. People might view me differently and such. Thats why I try my best not to expose to much of ME hehehe. I want something of me left....left for that someone whom ive yet to know. Its always good to have some mystery aint it ;)

Shit..im starting to sound like a fag. Ok this is not going to be a habit. Lets unpause this still moment. Let reality sets in again......

Hello again world
How are You Doing?

Soffy send off

2008-10-04T22:30:00.003+08:00

Its been a while since shes back here in Singapore. And in this few short week, lots have happened. I had my 'moments' with her. Those which caused some pain and hurt. But its for the better. And no people...its nothing to do with US. its just her. Jangan fikir bukan bukan ahhhhhh :P. So i'll call this entry

SOFFY'S SEND OFF RAYA

Friday...lazing around while waiting for herman to finish his practice paper. My hp alarm triggered. 4th Oct 2008 - Soffs Jap. Shit! its tomorrow!! Ok ive been like wanting to meet soff after that incident we had. You know to apologize and stuff and I did promise her that I will try my best to get everyone to see her. Since no one initiated anything (surprisingly) I took the task of organizing. Alhamdulilah, all the 6 of us were able to meet up before her flight. Although it was late at night...and we had things to do the next morning, we were up for it. Thats whats friends are for I guess. As usual, soff will be having food for us. Its pizza! wow. like she knows I was craving for some..haha. So we did our merepek things and talk talk talk. Trying to talk as much as possible and see her as much as possible before she leaves. We will surely miss her.

Famous 6ix
Ain, Fan, Soff, Kat, Osh Yanto

Soff if you are reading this. Do take care yah. Do NOT be naughty aite. ;)

PS : Thank You Osh for driving all the way back. Was too tired to drive.

Stay home raya

2008-10-04T22:01:00.003+08:00

To most people celebrating Hari Raya, the first day as well sa the first weekend is always the busiest. Well this year...we are breaking that tradition. Our own tradition of trying to visit as many houses as possible during the first week. This is because its crucial time for my brother Herman.

PSLE

His first paper was on Friday. What a way to celebrate Raya huh. Well, the whole family have decided to go through this with him...to stay by his side and sacrifice our Raya outings. I sure hope he pulls through. Unlike Yanti, I am more worried about this fella. He lacks the self motivation and discipline.

Saturday...a day whereby families would wear their beautiful traditional attire, all dressed up for the occasion and ready to go house visiting. How did I spent it? Well..mostly at home.

Mendaki tuition was better than expected. Although there was nothing much to teach..as most of them have completed their exams, I managed to get them do some fun activities. As normal, my approach to the Express kids is different. With them I was more of the 'less merepek' kind. I gave them maths quizzes in the form of magic. After a few failed attempts on mind reading, I went off to IQ quizzes. The rest of the time was socializing with the kids. You see, I believe in wholesome knowledge. Those that goes beyond that of textbooks and exams. The real test is not within the boundaries of the classroom walls....but what is out there. Raw life. Sadly, the education system is not build to cater for this. CCA's does it bit in a way..but its role is so minor. This kids need some form of knowledge to survive out there. True, education is important. However, it is also subjective.

The Normal class as usual gave me some form of strength and energy. Maybe its because of all those kids camps i've been attending via NTUMS and Mendaki. I applied the group building games I learned during the camps to this kids. Getting their interest as well as making them participate as a whole class...which was an impossible task then. I gave them the all time favourite 'what time is it?' game. It made them think..out of the box. Here, I can sense the smart ones, the clever ones, and the intelligent ones. Its amazing, they enjoyed themselves alot. And yah special thanks to those who offered me 'kueh raya' and also to the girl that offered me cupcakes. YUMMY! (names of minors shall not be mentioned) :D

Once home, I watched a show 'Cinta'. The way the movie was made was wonderful. Its more like a film to me. the camera angles, cinematography, script as well as music was amazing. Its a great show.

Needless to say, its about Love. How different individuals...from different walks of life face this mystery called love. Their lives get somehow intertwined...and the transition from couples is smooth. Certain quotes I love includes

" Isteri itu tidak seharusnya di anggap sebagai milik kita, tetapi sebagai Anugerah"
A wife should not be treeted as your property...but as a gift

"Dalam hidup ini, kita sering mengejar benda yang tidak pasti. Namun dalam kesibukkan itu, kita lupa akan sesuatu yang akan pasti memberikan kita kebahagian
Cinta"
In life, we always chase after things that has no certainty. However, in that chase, we forget of one thing that can promise us happiness
Love

In the words of Jason Mraz from his song 'Life is wonderful'

It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is

So..Have you found it yet???

Ready setO GO

2008-10-03T21:43:00.002+08:00

Ok...lets kick start things.

I dont have any form of discipline updating my blog as you all may notice. Normally I will make an entry when i'm idling or when i've got time to kill (so free meh). And yes vigilant readers, this is one of those times. Waiting for dad to return home so I can use the car. We are gonna pay soff a visit before her flight back to Japan. Gonna miss that lil bunny. hahaha.

So updates...to all my penin kaki (you know who you are) who is reading this entry. Neelesh ,razak and myself went for a round yesterday, HAHA. Never thought racing cars would be so much fun. So we went home past 3...had a chat with razak about life till 430am.

Life is so full of uncertainties
Its normal to be stressed about it at this stage
This means that we plan our future
Take it a step at a time....don't be hasty
Don't be complacent either.

Those who fail to plan
Plan to fail.

So let us plan

We have finally reach that stage. Standing before the doorway to life...the rawness of life. I have also sense a change in myself. Im more weary of my surrounding, more weary of how I present myself to others. My job played a huge role in this transition I guess. Looks like i'm seeing the results of what I hope to achieve in the short run. True money may not be good here. But the satisfaction, the fulfillment I get...from helping my friends as well as strangers in helping them plan their future.....is priceless. Of cause failure is not an option. Anything that is within my control will be done as expected. I can sense a new direction. No longer am I thinking of slacking...like before.

The time for enjoyment is coming to its end.....its time to box up those baggy pants I guess. Its now a different ball game. And indeed...a different 'attire' is needed.

Those of pants and shirts which I used to hate...oh not forgetting neck ties. bleargh. Discipline is doing things that you don't like to do. Well I guess it starts here

A New Day

2008-09-19T01:26:00.001+08:00

Hello everyone.....its me again...I hope you all are doing well in your respective endeavours.

Im just dropping a post to let you all know that im still alive.....and kicking. ;)
Things have been great so far....im loving my carear....and im loving how my life is turning out.
Till we meet again

:)

The stoned striker

2008-05-08T21:11:00.002+08:00

The Stoned Striker

Ok if you all noticed the time of my last entry, it was during the weee hours hours of the morning
Weeeeeeeeee

Ok..lame...anyways....I woke up at 9 plus from Fahmi...telling me that he and Nas were already on their way...

"We are already on PIE, do you want us to pick you up?"

(note: i promised to help Nas move out and clear my stuff from his room as well)

"Dude...why didnt you call me earlier...I just woke up"

"This is my second call.."

"......................."

Tell him we will drive slowly (Nas, background)

"Ok....give me a few mins."

I stood up, dashed to the bathroom, showered and packed the necessary stuff I need.

Clearing the the room part was not as hard as I expect it to be. We could have done it in like an hour.....if we didnt rest as long for some guitar jamming sessions..hahaha

problem sum for the day
two men working = 2 hrs
1 men working = ?

(if you dont get 4.....you are....ermmm....)

Ok...after settling all that needs to be done in school, Nas gave me a lift to Kallang Leisure Park
Its Dara's birthday celebration today. After contemplating on whether to go or not (due to the tight budget im in and also the lack or rest Im having, I decided to just go.....they are my most semangat FOC batch...so...I should be semangat as well I suppose

So of we go...Nas, Fahmi and me......Oh..I have a nickname now....now everyone has one....and I tot Mr Woody and Mat Nyet was hillarious enough....mine was...ermm..'worst' haha. Hanging out to study with the groub B guys sure brought back memories. I started NTU with them around..And I shall hope to End it with them as well.This was like the best 2 months of my 'exam conditioning' experience in NTU

Ok...so the gals went bowling....For the first half of the day..I was like a walking zombie...up till I got my first strike......and much due to dara and simaa (who have been on my case since they saw me, haha)
So my senses got to high alert and as per normal....started to annoy the both of them like I normally do...Hahha...
Dara.....baju lapar kepe.....
Ermm Dara..since you none of the balls you throw is able to hit any pins...Why dont you be the ball?

Hahaha

It was all in good fun

Ok....during the ride home in the train with yaya and Ibriza..I kinda dozed off. I couldnt care less...I was shaged out

Met ezran once I reached Jurong East. Buddy had some problems and I just had to be there for him. I hope everything turned out well for you bro.

Hafiz was there too, nice to see him after so long. As I sat (coffee shop, biasa jugak..) I noticed Ezran having a book in front of him. "how to win friends and influence others - Dale carnegie"

From seeing that book, I knew that what he was facing is big....I know...cos the last time when I had it....I was facing some difficult times as well. So we talked.....gaining knowledge and sharing experience at the same time.

Hafiz made a comment to me at one point. He said that im not associated to a specific group or clique. You know...some people have their preference of ppl they want to hang out with and stuff.

Well I happen to mix around with groups of different background...and i can adapt comfortably to most groups. Cos I dont like to restrict myself. Being judgemental and losing out in the possibilities of knowledge and experience to me is unwise. Cos knowledge comes not only from the smart or the nobel.
"buang yang keruh...ambil yang jernih"
its not because of bad influence that a person becomes bad.
Its failure to filter out the good influence for ourself.
Knowledge is everywhere......and life is a game of choice
go figure.

Wealth is not just about money....its about the relationship that you build...the human interactions....thats your wealth (my perspective). Once you achieve that....you can have all the money that you desire. Theres no shortcuts in getting rich....its a step by step process. "sometimes you need to run before you can walk" is true to an extent. what they didnt tell you is that you'll tend to fall faster and more frequent if you do that... and all that it leads to is more pain.So...fundamentals....once you nail that...you can run as far as your eyes can see and your legs can take you.

Today turned out preety well..minus the fact that im stoning most of the time..minus the fact that I paid my hefty fine...and minus the fact that im stressed out abt finding a job.

Why bother about things thats out of your control? I wish it was that easy

NEA...I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY!!!

KL trip is finally here.....5 wacky guys...... a car....over the weekend

Wonder how this concoction is gonna taste like..HAHA

Taking a break

2008-05-08T05:30:00.002+08:00

Taking a break

Ok.....exams' finally over and im now....officially free (yessar)
Time to pick up the pieces of my life that I left behind 2 months ago.

I had Mendaki relief for two Saturdays already now and I sure have met some interesting kids along the way. Ive taken this class of 5 primary students and I find them an interesting lot. Too bad I cant stay with any of them.Our meetings are supposed to be very brief. I hope I can get my own class one day.

I relieved Tuty for her Sinda tuiton this week. Sec 4NT and a mix class of sec 1NT and 2NT
I have been warned by her that the lower secs are a handful. Shes right though. Today (wednesday 7th) during lessons, they were really trying my patience. However, experience have thought me well how to handle this kinda students. You must go to their level of understanding, their take to life. One boy was trying to act all gangster and stuff......and so...the 'mat' side of me took over. Just like GTO.

I know better not to shout at them...its useless.....so the only way is to activate the 'laser' mouth.
"swaan" them until they bui tahan and paisey.
then they will give you the necessary attention.
Ruthless, I know...but they showed no mercy..so its fair

the sec ones were having this game of 'guess mr yan's age' game
i find it humorous to know that the range they tot I was in was from 16 to 23
hahahaha
Kids

So I told them...'kids, ive completed my Ns and 4 years of university education.
So how old do you think I am?

'26 !' one girl shouted exitedly

"And yes you are right"

they were abit shocked..I could sense the 'sure or not ' expression in them. Now a boy then asked me if I have a partner..since well...tutys engaged..they tot that hey.Y shouldnt I be engaged...at least attatched.
I tried dodging...but to realise later that only by giving them some ans will they keep quiet n focus on studying, i said im single. which i am.

so he said...'tcher...pass me your number, I have this girl..very preety...I can intro her to you.'
I smiled....kids nowadays.

i rejected politely, threw a few smoke bombs and exited with the likes of algebra and factors.

I met Mr Jamal too, my sec 2 lit teacher.

:)

It has been a good week so far.
Hope it stays that way.

Mental Stall

2008-04-28T15:30:00.002+08:00

Mental Stall

Shiet shiet shiet , damn damn damn
If i can make a song with just those two words, I would

Im at SAC right now, and in about 26 hrs time, I will have to sit for my second last paper for this semesters exam. Thing is, I cant study. I cant seem to study. Dammit brain are you working up there?? absorb god damn it. Anbiejifuhvksiaoijfm......wat was that? you messing with me brain!

Exams are part and parcel of this 4 years of commitment of studying. Ive sold my freedom to the likings of professors and geeks and everyday, mentally pushing myself, against hordes of other poor beings like myself, for a piece of paper. That paper better be worth it, or im going to use it as toilet paper. A 20K piece of crap for my crap.

Ok im ranting, thats nothing new, this happens every exam I face. This is destressing. I would love to grab a pile of rocks and smash them against the wall, kick the lockers along the corridor and maybe throw a few of them off the wall. YEAAAHHHHHHHHHRRGGHH!
but that would be immoral. unethical.

I am going to be an adult soon (am going??)
I should better behave.

Hmmmm.......anyone have a punching bag?
or even an unused cupboard
whichever comes first
I aint choosy

Im just having a mental stall.

STOP AND STARE

2008-03-11T02:41:00.002+08:00

STOP AND STARE

Take a walk....see the world around you...listen to the environment that surrounds you.

Stop and stare

For before you, Things that youve never seen before unravel itself, Unmasking slowly, Things that you fail to notice.

Take a seat, and take a moment. Isolate yourself from the world, the detatchment stings momentarily, till you hear the first heartbeat, till you hear yourself

And realise that you are alive

That you can make this life work for yourself.

Knowing that you exist.....being true.

no lies no secrets

Just simplicity at its best

And where honesty rest.

Happy Birthday Dad

May the dreams that you have materialise.

Thank you for teaching me....

The value of Love, Honour and respect.

Most importantly, Thank You

For making me the person I am today.

I will be your legacy.

and may god let me be the best.

Balance

2008-03-06T03:00:00.003+08:00

BALANCE

For the record, I am not suicidal or planing to self mutilate myself in any way. For those who found my previous entry disturbing, its just one of those days

I dont noe much about philosophy...I dont even read much about them. But what I do know is that they are ideas...created by men...for men

Taking apart any religious or spiritual concept. This Universe in my opinion works on one basic concept. Balance.

Everything in this universe is govern by this rule.And mankind has conciously or subconsciously accepted this fact. In newton's third law for example, every action has an equal an opposite reaction. We have the concept of the ying and yang. Over time...religion sets in ahd we have that of heaven and hell, angels vs demons.And how about mundane things like the concept of good and bad. man and women, children and adult,rich vs poor, suns vs black holes etc etc.

The intresting part is to see where we lie in this equation. to figure out where is our conterpart to this balance?

maybe what we are looking for isnt someone who is similar to us. Cos if thats the case than the equation of balance fails.what we need is a complement. Someone whos strength will aid in our flaws and vice versa. opposite attracts. wonder how that came about huh

go figure.

Mind Puke

2008-03-05T01:18:00.004+08:00

MIND PUKE

Its one of those days again....one of the times I feel restless, numb, not knowing what to expect, feeling as though im trapped inside a small dark cell, left in solitude, screaming loudly..only to hear a faint whisper...beating the walls with my bare fists....blood seeping through the cuts with every strike I made, numb to the pain....I proceeded...till the body grew weak...and I lay down, in the cold.....waiting.....and hoping that when the sun rises tommorow, even if my sight fails me, I hope that Id be able to feel its warmth.Cos for now....thats just what I need.

A fisherman set sail early one morning, in his old boat, which had a little mast attatched to a modest sail. As his sail catches the first good breeze of the morning, he clenched his pendant tight and made his wish...the same wish he makes at every sail. Before long, his boat was slicing through the waves...like a sharp knife through butter it sped, and in a few glimps of an eye, he was there....at the spot where he last saw her. One of Gods greatest creations.

People say that they were once angels, who have gotten their heart lost to mortals and for that, they traded their wings....for fins. It took them a while to get used to the sea. However, they were contented in their choice. for they believed in the words of men. Only to be left alone in the dark cold sea, for then they realise...that its not their heart that these mortal seek...but its the beauty they posessed. Beauty which they have traded. For years they cried...and as their salty tears seeped through those beautiful eyes...the sea level rises....and the red sea as they call it...became saltier then ever. At that particular spot she will be, laying on the ruins of a mighty vessel. Crying to god she will, everyday..asking for HIM to take this pain away from her, to send her what she was here to seek. Her cries could only be heard by those who wants to listen, and listen he did, evey cry..every whimper.

He feels her pain.....and her hopes. He wants to grant her what she seek, the bliss of true love. However her heart was already broken. The trust she had for these mortals was crushed. From afar he observed and every evening, before the last light vanishes from the horizon, he would place a small pearl at the exact spot that she was before. Pearls that he had gotten from his dives, apart from the fishes that he caught. Rain or shine, he will be there, with a pearl in his pocket. One day she saw him in the act, somehow, she got offended by it. She thought that these pearls were from someone else...someone more worthy....not a poor fisherman, who can't even feed himself three meals a day.Little was she aware, that he had traded every luxury for her smile, every comfort for a place in her heart.

He prayed that her heart will heal, that her strength will return. He wants to make her feel that she can fly once more, but the stubborn heart refuses to budge.

There was no pearl on her spot one day. No sight of an old ugly boat. She thought that he had given up. He thought he was the same as the rest....who can churn words to mesmerise anyone. She felt indifferent by his absence.

As she swam back to her cavern, a familiar sight caught her attention. The sail from the fisherman's boat was there floating on the surface, she swam further....and little by little, the ruins of his old boat could be seen. She raced even further...and there at a distance, he saw his body, suspended in the water,motionless. His right fist was clenched tight. As she opened it, a gush of blood diffuses into the water. A pearl dropped out from his grasp. one covered in blood. When she looked closer, she noticed that the the pearl was marked. The blood somehow made the markings more visible. There was a number 37 as well as a word 'like' marked on to the pearl.

She swam as fast as she could to her cavern, took all the pearls and rise back to the surface, to the her spot. Her mind was racing for answeres..what do they mean? what does he want from her?

She made a slit in her palm and showered the pearls with her blood. Like magic the markings appeared, same as the one she saw earlier, but of different numers and words. She arranged them numerically...and dripped more blood every time.

It was like a puzzle and she realised that when arranged numerically the words form readable sentences. As her body grew weaker...from the blood that she lost, she finally managed to decipher the message. For 37 days he was there for her.She smiled...and with one last breath, her vision grew dim and all she sees is darkness.

"I dont have words to steal an angels heart,

nor wealth to keep her by my side

But what I do have is a hope that she might

Find her lost smile and smile as she like"

When she came around, A gentle voice spoke to her....a voice carried by the breeze....

"everyday you hoped and prayed, and after some time I answered them.

The answers were before you, but you fail to see.

you have wasted your chance and he is deserving of another

And for that ive taken him.

For an angel is what hes worth after."

Awake

2008-02-29T00:30:00.002+08:00

AWAKE

Today was a fruitful day. Iskandar and me managed to get the control console on the electric scooter almost done to perfection. It was a tough call though..to travel all the way to TP. I slept throughout the whole journey..ignoring all the eyes staring at me. I couldnt care less. One thing I hate though..is the backache I have for sitting awkwardly while sleeping for almost an hour. Its terrible. Anyways....a Siti Aishah called....I was hesitating before I picked up the call....Who is this gal? Apparently, shes with Mendaki. I have a job this Saturday! They remembered me! hahaha

Alhamdulilah....like they say...rezki ada kat mana2 dan bila2 dengan kehendakNYA. Couldnt come at a better timing. Im in need of cash.

Neelesh was asking me once....Principles or Budget. I chose principle. No matter how in need I am of cash, Id never forsake my principles for it. Money comes and goes. The same cannot be applied to your beliefs, your principles...or what defines you. Its sad to know what some would do for money....not knowing that it might be a test. Its true to an extent...money can buy anything.

Accompanying my way to TAPAC was my consus. I watched this show 'awake'. It starred Christian Haydenson (I hope I got his name right) and Jessica ALBA! Ive not heard about the show before...sadly...cos it was a great one. After watching the movie, I found myself relating to the pesona of the main character. Clayton (christian). Apart from his goodlooks, wealth and charm in that movie, we share something in common. We trust people easily...and out of our generosity...we somtimes find ourselves in trouble. He was betrayed by those he trust...and love...and at the end of the day...the only person that stood by him...was his family...his only family...his Mum.

One who would give her life for him.

"What was it Sam..there were so many details.....What was I looking at? Was it you that I am looking at? I hope you are happy Sam..you'll get what you deserve" Sam..his lover..betrayed him....to the MAX.

I love that line from that movie.

Im a muslim....however, I do believe in karma as well. What goes around comes around.

Women are trouble. For me at least....maybe cos ive yet to find one that really understand me yet, often finding myself taken advantage of. Well I would appreciate it if they dont take me for a fool, for I am not. Everythings a test. 'Diam tidak bererti ku marah...tidak bererti ku kalah'

Im a simple guy...an honest guy. I believe that something good will happen. They say good guys finish last. Im not saying im good.....but im not bad either.

Well...I wondered around Tanjong Pager aimlessly....was there at 630. SB was not there yet....He was suppose to be there....It was nearing maghrib...So I had to go to the mosque nearby to rush for Asar.It was peaceful...I dont noe why.but I felt peace...after weeks of turmoil.

SB wants me to go to the AGM at TAPAC representing kemuning. I met new faces at the meeting. Professionals fom different fields....coming together in the name of art. Living their life with passion...with a reason.

A meeting that would normally take an hour dragged for 3 hours.

I was hungry and tired...but looking at the way these people converse, Address issues and debate ,arouse my attention. It was fun...a worthwhile experience.

As usual, I had to report to SB about the meeting. Soon it was teatime with SB. A sharing of wisdom anf valuable experience.

I was told that as muslims...we should always hope....in any situation....we must hope. So that we can progress in this life in optimism....and its a counter for suicide. Doa...is a form of hope. An autosuggestion. I am afraid to hope...cos im afraid of getting dissapointed. I think in this sense....spritually..I must learn to cope with this.

'jangan menzalimi diri sendiri' I think I am lately. This has got to stop someday.

Im feeling the effects.

La illa hailla anta subahanaka ini kuntum minal zolimin.

May god protect as all.

weekend great

2008-02-28T02:09:00.007+08:00

2008 SINGAPORE AIRSHOW
Ok..its been a while since ive not blogged....Prolly caused I somehow feel vulnerable as I tend to blabber all sorts of nonsense here.....HAHA
This is an avenue...to destress.....my deepest thoughts....feelings.....and stuffs like that.
Somehow....It kinda get to me......that this page is getting tooooo personal
As in its suppose to only convey ideas....hmm..I have to get back on this. To either make it private....or put personal entries over at LJ. (LJs been quite dead lately..I can see cobwebs hanging)
Ok so updates.......weekend......
SATURDAY
Bukom TRIP!!
23rd feb
This has been one of the bestest outing ever organized by the malay corner gang from NTU.
The seniors (ehem) gathered together on this date to lepak to the max in pulau bukum. A great start to the Week break. So....we played poker...bowling ,swimming and guy stuffs.
The whole event was a success. All thanx to Najib, Nas and Wan for the initiative,
Thanx to Najibs dad for sponsoring some stuffs.
Will get photos from them soon.
After a day at bukum, me and some of the guys went over to clementi to try this new hainanese chicken rice place. Rather nice....
After we were done....it was a few rounds of classic DOTA anc CS.
SUNDAY
AIRSHOW!!!
24th feb
After panicking and scurrying around for people to go (ive got an extra ticket ) we managed to get my cute lil cuzin Fatin on board. This is the first time Ive gone to the airshow without being a girl along. Most of them get to enjoy the free and thrilling experience of a biannual airshow. And Mind you..its not easy to get the tix.
Initially it was planned for shahsa and nisha..the two extra tix...but shasha doesnt seem keen on it. So its Osh and Fatin.
So the 6 of us, me,Osh,Sri,Yanti,Herman and Fatin set off one Sunday morning (MORNING!!!) to Pasir Ris. The queue was terrible.
We arrived at the now air show complec around 11am. Walked around....and with Sris DSLR we cam whored (the gals mostly) haha. It was a great day!!
Im glad I brought Osh along. He was great company. They all seem to click very well.
Bumped into My uncle there...And we enjoyed the best 2hrs of our lives watching the air display.
Everyone was excited. Everyone was having so much fun.
Ok..enuff talk...Pictures!!

Oh...Sri uploaded 332 pictures on her multiply of that day....Im not that rajin.

I can only show this much..HAHAHA

NEVER AGAIN

2008-02-24T02:30:00.004+08:00

NEVER AGAIN

"As you walk in the valley of the shadow of death"

It comes and goes as it pleases

They come and go like the morning breeze

And when it does leave....Just smile

And when they do leave...say its not meant to be.

What is it that we seek

What is it that I seek

Its not here

Its not there

It never was meant to be found

Its just a naive little thought

From a little voice.....in the corner of the mind

Optimistically weaved

carefully each stitch

Fabricating a fantasy...in suspended reality

A twisted analogy

For words they come cheap.

in comparison with IT

And he rants.......and rants...

Never again will this heart miss a beat.

Stentorian

2008-02-20T04:15:00.002+08:00

STENTORIAN

Its 4 16 on the clock...im mugging!!

This is weird but yeah im doing it....I hope I pull thru the quiz...couldnt come at a better timing.

Oh...I decided to catch the last few bands on rockit...this gig over at NTU. Never tot Uni students were this cool huh....well FYI...we are not all geeky OK.

Some are just blessed with the attitude, goodlooks and intelligence. Its true ppl. Accept this fact.

Oh as for my previous entry...theres no valid reason y I highlight the misery buisness phrase. Its random...and it sounds kinda cool. Like some ppl just dont need 2nd chances. I always give ppl the liberty of that...a second chance.

By the way...Stentorian rawks..

I love the track fly. I even bought their EP. Somehow they kinda give me inspirations to write some songs

Maybe Id start tommorrow. I believe I have gone thru enuff shit to have experience in writing songs.

OK shit...I need to sleep a bit....If not id b a walking zombie in school

not good...soooo not good.

Cant wait till friday.......*BEAM*

Flying.....on the smoke machine

2008-02-19T20:20:00.005+08:00

FLYING ON THE SMOKE MACHINE

Its time to give this love equation a rest.

Maybe the door is not open yet for this shit. But hey...I feel good. Its as though im preparing for something bigger.

Its a good thing that nothings broken.

Im in school! Its back to the books. No more distractions now.....Its just me, myself, my books and my good friends.I met mas and her clique....before long....fath and the Mae gals dropped by. Sri introed me to some cool songs by Taufiq Batisah (ewww). Ok its not the singer...its the song. I appreciate musicians....not artists.He can really write some nice songs. Kudos to that.

Made plan with Mas to watch jumper....Haha cool,,,,,Im suppossed to be extra nice to her. HAHAHA!!

This is sweet..never before have I thought that I can hold a conversation with gals yet alone have really good female friends...

I have really changed....Ahmad must be shaking his head right now. Cos we both used to be the SHY guys...seems like ive broken out of that shell. Still shy..but not DAT shy.

Anyways.....Ive think about it.....I dont think im ready for a relationship. Was talking to the gals of the benefits of a no strings attatched relationship. Weirdly im considering it...before getting thrashed by Fath on the risks of it...Risks of getting hurt.

Hurt....haha....im kinda ued to it...I mean..Im a guy.....True we are human....but thank god...We are not that emotionally immensed in this kinda things. I was...but after thinking bt it....maybe I need to love myself more. Thats what I did. I pampered myself with food..OH glorious Food.

Sri complained that Im getting thinner....USed to look better when school just opened.

Well im aiming to get back to that 21 look.....I think physically the frame is about there.....next is the hair.......its gonna be short.

21 huh...thats like 4 years ago......4 years when I was at my prime....having the time of my life.....no worries....and being very happy.....happy for me.

Come to think of it......I dont need anyone....I have all the love I need. Its just that I need to share It with someone.......too bad they cant see it as such.....Mayb I should be selfish bt it.

NO SHARING (hahaha)

Mas asked me if I know Aidl...and how I know him.

Aidil reply was shocking....

"yanto...kenal apa...dia kan famous"

Famous kepa~~~ Hahaha.....im low profile bradder.

Campus life sure is bizzare......its the next best thing after JC.

Quizes and assignments.

Have to submit 2 things tommorrow. A quiz and a proff comm assn. And the thing is....hey Im doing it now!!! not yesterday..not a week before...but NOW!

Ok..somethings are realy not worth to be pondered about

GOD....thanx for the test (I think I just passed this time)

Ill try to get an A from YOU next time. Keep testing me. I like this....Its great....Every time I fall...I feel that im getting closer to YOU. Its a good thing that my iman n senses are intact. If not...HAHA...id be a mat*

Ill drink my sorrows away...take drugs...and enjoy this sweet life. Treet women like meat and make them my cash cow.

Thank God im not like that. I dunno how some ppl can live like dat.

For the past month...Ive gotten back to that part of life which ive left for so long. The late nights...the hours wasted on nothing but talks and ciggs. It was refreshing. To visit a world thats different. But I know...this is not meant to be long. Im not that easily influenced. Distracted yes...not influenced.

Ok....lets play something nice.....

PRESSURE

by paramore

Tell me where our time wentAnd if it was time well spentJust don’t let me fall asleepFeeling empty againCause’ I fear I might break And I fear I can’t take it Tonight ill lay awake Feeling emptyI can feel the pressureIts getting closer nowWere better off without youI can feel the pressure Its getting closer nowWe’re better off without youNow that I'm losing hopeAnd there’s nothing else to showFor all of the days that we spentCarried away from homeSome things ill never knowAnd I had to let them goI’m sitting all alone[Pressure lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]Feeling emptyI can feel the pressureIts getting closer nowWere better off without youI can feel the pressureIts getting closer nowWere better off without youWithout youSome things ill never know And I had to let them goSome things ill never know And I had to let them goI’m sitting all aloneFeeling emptyI can feel the pressureIts getting closer nowWere better off without youFeel the pressureIts getting closer nowYou’re better off without me

DOUBLE POST!

I just have to put in this song.

MISERY BUSINESS

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the topShe's got a body like an hourglass it's ticking like a clockIt's a matter of time before we all run out...When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouthI waited eight long monthsShe finally set him freeI told him I can't lie, he was the only one for me Two weeks and we had caught on fireShe's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smileWoah I never meant to brag,But I got him where I want him nowWhoa... it was never my intention to bragTo steal it all away from you nowBut God does it feel so good'Cause I got him where I want him nowAnd if you could then you know you would'Cause God it just feels so...It just feels so goodSecond chances they don't ever matter, people never changeOnce a whore, you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never changeAnd about forgiveness, we're both supposed to, have exchangedI'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way!Well there's a million other girls who do it just like youLooking as innocent as possible to get to whoThey want and what they like, it's easy if you do it right[Misery Buisness lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!Woah I never meant to brag,,But I got him where I want him nowWhoa... it was never my intention to bragTo steal it all away from you nowBut God does it feel so good'Cause I got him where I want him right nowAnd if you could then you know you would'Cause God it just feels so...It just feels so good ...I watched his wildest dreams come trueNot one of them involving youJust watch my wildest dreams come trueNot one of them involving ...Woah I never meant to brag,,Cause I got him where I want him now ...Woah I never meant to brag,,To steal it all away from you nowBut God does it feel so good'Cause I got him where I want him nowAnd if you could then you know you would'Cause God it just feels so...It just feels so good

Sucky Weekend

2008-02-17T19:30:00.002+08:00

SUCKY WEEKEND

This week is sucky for many reasons. One, Myl aptop was down because the charger was not working. So applying my engineering trouble shooting skills (hahaha) I manage to conclude that the fuse was blown ( too bad I didnt have an multimeimeter..if not id use it to prove this fact. True enough I bought a fuse today and walah...its working like a charm.

Ive met new friends recently....and somehow....I dunno...things happen. God is great.

"It doesnt matter if its one car or two...it not a big deal...but to know what a man is made off, thats something"

I dont like to test people...but somtimes..they are just asking for it. To know who is true and sincere. If you want to test me....well its up to...but what you see so far of me...that is who I am. Im not one who knows how to play with words or efficient in fooling around with matters of the heart. As for now....From what has happened...I dunno what to think. I leave this to God. What I do know is that....I am dissapointed. I know it takes time to understand a person...maybe this is it...or maybe this is not. I dunno anything right now. I think id dissapear for a while.

Osh stayed with me the whole saturday night after practice. We chilled by the reservoir over at Teban. Discussing about problems and issues (mostly mine)....and at the same time argueing that theres no overgrown grass growing till above the water...its just an optical illusion...how light reflects and diffract at times..I noe I give stupid comments at times to him...but im dead serious bro..its the refraction of light above the uneven water surface. He even missed the Man U and Aresenal match....untuk members.Ive learnt that its better to discuss your problems with peole close to you....to get feedbacks....to have different perspectives..cos somethings are just too big to be handled alone. He treated me to Boonlay Power Nasi Lemak after that... Hes been a great friend lately. And I appreciate that.

Appreciaition...sometimes people just dunno what it means.

Ive made up my mind at this point. Ini bukan cakap habis. Im saying at this point. Id like my life to go back to the way it used to. And Im happy. My phone was flooded with calls and messages that night. Neleesh was having his own set of problems. Sorry I cant be there for you bro. I cant even be there for myself. Ezran, Sorry for cancelling the outing, Things happen bro. And Haseena, You need to get sleep. HAHAHA

Its time to chuck things aside Yan.Just wait for the right time to open it up again.

And I thought I understand gals....hahaha...maybe what they say Is true.....Men just wont understand. Id say....talk it out and be practical. We are not mind readers. We only can tell things to a certain extent.

Men should be the practical ones. The not so practical ones....those who believes in all the emo crap (like myself). This rare breed....are just not meant to be that lucky.

Dianah messaged.....shes been rather persistant. As a friendly gesture, I agreed to meet up, provided that her bro comes along. And we did...did some catching up. Met the mum....chatted with her from underneath the block..hahaha...its nice to meet back old familiar faces.

It seems like she has changed as well. Good for her. We are strictly friends.....and by the way...I need to meet her for ciggs...I ran out. hahaha. Oh....yeah her current ex Surin dropped by as well. Nice chap.....she even have the cheek to say that, yey now two of my exes are here. I replied cheekilly to Surin...yeah she likes doing this...collecting exs.

I realised that Ive changed alot....besides physically....I think that right now...im having alot of female friends. Its strictly platonic. Gals are good in the sense that some of their opinions are different from the kinda response guys gives (duh). So do not think that im a player or anything. I need to say this once and for all.

Life is good for now. I love every minute of it.

I am a patient man.Dont ever test me beyond the limits.....you wont want to see the devil in me.

Hes going...hes going...hes.....

*poof*

ggaaaannnnnnn

Running Deep on Dangerous Terrain

2008-02-15T14:38:00.003+08:00

RUNNING DEEP ON DANGEROUS TERRAIN

*NOTE: The contents of this blog, although public are not to be discussed with any person mentioned in any entry. I would appreciate it if its restricted, to your eyes only info. Cos I dont want to have to explain my personal thoughts to the mentioned person*

Thank You.

Happy Valentines Day (belated)

Ok dont start with all the "you shouldnt celebrate this" "its a commercilised day..so dont entertain it" or the one I dislike most "its not religious"

Look, Its a day of celebration....to commamorade love (in a sense) to give an avenue to tell that special person that he or she is the light of your life, To make someone feel good and of cos, to tell those you cherish..that they are a big part of your life. I take it as that. Im a helpless romantic. Cant help it...theres just so much to give. Like I said before in one of my previous entry, its ridiculous to just condemn this day just cos we know that its a day where most muslims are slaughtered. People, Muslims are slaughtered on many occasions in the past. And why do we celebrate New year and stuffs. Who knows..mayb its a dark day for muslims as well. Sheesh. So dont let this kinda things influence ur deepest sincerity. Its the thought that matters. And people, Unless its stated that its wrong, its not. Lets not live on the ideas and expectations of certain individuals. We are given the gift to think. Apart from all this, your actions is between you and GOD. So...why be afraid.HE knows you better. That is all that matters

Ok todays entry is gonna be a long one. Read the title...Im running deep (haha)

I went out with Someone obviously and to show that someone of my sincerity, not expecting anything in return ,in the form of gifts. This is nothing compared to what im gonna do for my partner. So for my future partner out there...dont worry...I have lots of special things instore. Did I mention im helplessly romantic (haha).

Ok during the wee hours of Vday...preVday, I had a nice chat with Liyana, Haseena and Filza (not in order of importance).

To Liyana

Thanx for being such a good friend. Thanx for being the concern one, reminding me of things that I might have overlooked (I tend to forget things at times....brains fried I think) Thanx for making me feel good about myself. And up till now, I think you are the only person whom I know that can see me through all the masks that I wear. Masks that I wear to protect my individuality, my senses. To not be an easy riddle to crack, to be that diamond in the rough. Thanx. And also!! Thanx for the nice cheese cake that you made the last time! Its the bestest cheese cake ive ever tasted! serious..its wicked!

To Haseena

A dear friend that helps me open up the horizons, the limitaion to my thoughts, a breath of fresh air to this world. Though we are having this peculiar friendship (we never meet), I hope that we can continue sharing our (sick) thoughts (hahaha)

To Filza

One that helps me in giving valuable advice, religious wise in times of need. To share her thoughts (professionally) on issues that concens society. And also just being there when I need to converse. Thanx

To those not mentioned.....mayb cos...you know who you are...Thanx. Thanx for being there...Thanx for being part of my life...thanx for letting me touch your lives in one way or another.

I messaged Shaiful, An old friend back from high school. I miss him. Hes like a brother in a sense. Darn..I miss the old days. But..thats whats lifes all about. To keep looking forward and not holding on the the past. It makes your journey easier....It makes it more worthwhile.....and it opens the door to many other possibilities.

And of cause...Not forgetting Neelesh.

Bro....You know I know lah ah...Theres not much words to say and describe how much I treasure our friendship. THanx for being there for me. You are the kinda fren I can laugh and cry with. And hey.....lets make it together yah. Lets set our eyes on that legacy.

Oh..Dianah called early Thursday morning. It was rather unexpected. And as usual..giving suttle hints that shes not having a good time in her relationship and all. And even request for a meet up. Whoa....chill gal....I dont wont like to get involved with someones elses property...and as a friend...lets just stay like that. Let us just be friends..thats as far I can offer right now.

I think my ex is mad at me somehow. Well...I wont want to even think about it. But its just a thorn you noe. I dont like hurting people. But sometimes...you know..they just kinda asks for it.

I woke up late Friday Morning. Shoot it was already 1230. And I have prayers to go to. So I dragged my beated body to the washroom and in 15mins, left the house. Theres someting different about myself today(running deep..hint2). I hate feeling like this...but this is just those kinda obstacles you cant dodge. You have to face it and make a choice. Lifes all about choices aint it. I pray Everyday...that HE will show the what I seek. Its been a while.

During the Doa....I kinda feel my head spinning..you know like if im in a trance or smthing, I can picture a big drum in me..rotating about an irregular axis...dragging my brain in its motion. MashaAllah. I dunno why but someohow after prayers...I decided to walk home. From Jurong East to West. I need to clear my mind off things..I need to find solutions. So I took this walk. Walks are good for many reasons, It helps train your cardio, it helps you think, and you can actaully zikir with peace when you do it. God was kind to me. I was sheltered from the shearing heat all the way...and gentle breezes accompanied me. When my journey ended, The heat sets in again. I pulled out my earphones....music isnt good for a time like this. Music is a distraction...and distractions are associated with the devil. So I walked calmly..controlling my breathing...controlling the amount of fluid I excrete out from my body..controlling my thoughts. OH sis if you are reading this...Walks are good for losing weight! HAHAHA.

Gentle breezes on my face....somehow whispering to my ears....People say that somtimes..when you are in need of HIM.....he will show you solutions in many ways...and sometimes...they can be hidden in the sounds of the waves....the breeze or even the falling rain. You just have to open up...ikhlas....and redha.

You know....if you put a piece of crap in a cake....no one will know its there. Unless you remove all the flavourings...all the preety decorations...the scent. If not...it will just look as pleasant as an ordinary cake. Hurt can be masks in such...but its still there...somehow...if you put nice things to the equation...it might just dissapear. The smell from the crap might be overcome by the other ingredients. It might take a few weeks, months years. But isit worth it. To remain shity for long. To immense yourself in pain...issit worth it? Love comes and goes..like a playful fairy it toys around with individuals. Sometimes it stays a while..leaving behind that curse of hurt....sometimes it stays for life...leaving behind the curse of commitment. above all things...its a free spirit. When you embrace it...you feel as if you are flying. And for that brief moment...you should be blessed to experience it. Dont focus on the pain and the What ifs. Focus on the joy it brought. Focus on the lessons it gave. and use it when you when it visits you again in future. "life is a journey, your learn it when you are through"

Sometimes...I ask god....if its worth it...I am willing to trade the remaining years of my life..apart from that given to nicotine and all the other toxins I take in. To give me the bliss of true love. Even if its for a day even. (ok mayb I might need a week at least).

Well thats me...As of now....im standing on another junction. just waiting for the right reason, the right sign, to make a move and venture on again. I think im coping well with this things. Thanx to him..I think that I am stronger. and also..luckily...I only have to calm myself down with ciggies (which im planning to forgo) instead of other things.

Ive seen many changes in myself...physically, mentally and emotionally. Its a good sign. HE never abandons us....its us who tend to abandon HIM.

This is me yan..reminding you in case you forgot, of the little things in life.

Have a good life ahead people. Cherish your loved ones.

Mayday Parade - Miserable At Best

Katie, don't cry, I knowYou're trying your hardestAnd the hardest part is letting goOf the nights we sharedOcala is calling and you know it's hauntingBut compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as brightAnd when we look to the sky, its not mine, but I want it soLet's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there)You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares)I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floorAnd ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yesBecause these words were never easier for me to sayOr her to second guessBut I guessThat I can live without you butWithout you I'll be miserable at bestYou're all that I hoped I'd findIn every single wayAnd everything I could giveIs everything you couldn't takeCause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles awayAnd the hardest part of livingIs just taking breaths to stayBecause I know I'm good for somethingI just haven't found it yetBut I need itSo let's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there)[ Miserable At Best lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares)I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floorAnd ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yesBecause these words were never easier for me to sayOr her to second guessBut I guessThat I can live without you butWithout you I'll be miserable at bestLadada ladada ladadaoh ohhhAnd this will be the first time in a weekThat I'll talk to youAnd I can't speakIt's been three whole days since I've had sleepBecause I dream of his lips on your cheekAnd I got the point that I should leave you aloneBut we both know that I'm not that strongAnd I miss the lips that made me flySo let's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there)You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares)I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floorAnd ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yesBecause these words were never easier for me to sayOr her to second guessBut I guessThat I can live without you butWithout you I'll be miserableAnd I can live without youBut without you I'll be miserableAnd I can live without youOh, without you I'll be miserable at best

BAD mood

2008-02-11T15:56:00.000+08:00

BAD MOOD

I was having this weird feeling since sunday night. I guess it might have been the conversation me and Shasha had. I dunno...I just feel so negative in a way.

I was even worried that she might not make it for her interview. This gal ah..champion.

Having an interview tommorow morning..still can hang out till sooo late. Well I understand..its not everyday old friends drop by.

Anyways.....Filz was nice enough to have a conversation with me. Just to get my mind off things. The feeling remained till now...and worst of all..I went to school for nothing. Tutorial was cancelled. Filz called....hang out with her and her cuzzin for lunch before anoyying Dara and the gals (Ibrizah and Simaa). Me being tired and in such a lousy state is not a good combi. I think im gonna avoid alot of people today. Ok its time to sleep. Have a quiz to prepare for tommorow. Looks like its gonna be a long nite.

Happy Birthday Nisha

2008-02-10T04:08:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Nisha

I went for a funeral early Friday Afternoon. Its the second time ive been there this week. The place is kinda an irony to me. It gives you peace...at the same time fear. Fear in knowing that youd never know when your turn will come...and if you are prepared for it. My 'points' have not been that high lately. There are things that I ought to do that I dont...and things that I ought not to..but I do. Gawd...its like O levels all over again..hoping that Id get less than 20 points to get to JC. Now its like hoping that Id get enough points to get a quick path to paradise. Ultimately, Muslims are promise a place in heaven. But...when we will get there( after thousand of years in hell or a few days) and and which level of heaven we get to (5 star treatment or no star treatment..)is a different issue. The 'Talkin" (pronounced 'tul cain') always have an effect on me. Its a reminder....that....no matter what I do...im a Muslim. Like what Cikgu Manaf said...we can forget that we are malays....but never forget that we are Musims.

I went to meet Yana (nisha) and Shasha later on, ive no idea where we are going...but as usual..Shasha is late( yana you should do a better job in making her rush next time..was counting on you...hehe) Anyways..turned out..we were to go East Coast..sort of yana's pre Birthday BBQ tingy. Met her family there and stuff....and we get to chill at the Water breaker. It sure brings back memories. I like to listen to the waves while I was there...but Shasha cant seem to understand...she loves blasting the music. Well She needs to unwind more badly than I do I guess..so i just go with the flow. Yana seemed down..So i thought maybe id try to mayb give her a treet, Bowling!! and guess what..with my family. Not just my family...with all the cuzzins and uncle and all. HAHA. Its the first time ive seen Shasha lose her coolness. Shes all nervous and all (relax gal...they dont bite). So we went there first to book the lanes. First to arrive was Chitras family, followed by Sri's family and mine. It was KECOH! And there are improvements! Cik Temi got TURKEY! gawd! Amazingly..my brother also improved alot. There are also more strikes this time round.

Yana and Shasha had to go off. Was hoping that theyd stay for supper though.

Anyways...Today, I went to practice as usual. Koko seemed slightly upset..maybe cos ive missed the last two practices. (sorry bro..family first) Osh was sick (watever) haha

Went to fetch Shasha later to go to East Coast. We ended up Chilling at West Coast instead..cos Yana went home already (BOOOO) haha. This time around...she didnt blast the music....I enjoyed the waves ( its as if she knew that I wanted too).

We talked....and talked...and I enjoyed my time. Every minute of it (seconds even ). When It was time to part, at her place, I noticed this pink plastic bag at the bag. apparently it was there since Friday. It was a Tshirt for me...from Shasha. Gee tanx..that was unexpected. :)

Darn..its almost 5 and im still here awake and not having the slightest intention to sleep. I need help. HAHA

Anyways...I think thats all for now.

Tanx Yana for the Invitation to chill at East Coast with your family

And also....things happen for a reason I guess. Lets all pray its for the best.

Till next time.

Take Care peeps~~

Kekasih Gelapku

2008-02-08T16:26:00.000+08:00

KEKASIH GELAPKU

( SECRET LOVER )

I love this song by Ungu...and amazingly even my dad loves it. Ok my dad is not the typical pop rock fan. However, he finds the song amazingly beautiful. Hes more of a poetic kinda person and also a fan of deep songs like SUATU MASA by M nasir. Anyways, Yesterday, at East Coast, whle we were all chilling by the beach, I played this song. My dad asks, do you all know what its about? All this while, I believed that its about those unrequited love kinda thingy, loving someone from afar. Partly cos SOMEONE once dedicated this song to me before, hoping that my heart will open up for her. However, this things takes time....and honestly I tried.....but maybe, Its just not to be. (biyane)

So lets look at the lyrics

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun

Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu

Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku

Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

Ku tahu ku takkan selalu ada untukmu

Disaat engkau merindukan diriku

Ku tahu ku takkan bisa memberikanmu waktu

Yang panjang dalam hidupku

Yakinlah bahwa engkau adalah cintaku

Yang ku cari selama ini dalam hidupku

Dan hanya padamu ku berikan sisa cintaku

Yang panjang dalam hidupku...

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun

Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu

Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku

Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun

Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu

Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku

Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku... Ooh...

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun

Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu

Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku

Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

Its a bout this guy whos either married or already have a partner. However, he fell in love with another....Thats why no one can noe . and thats why he can only give the 'leftovers' (sisa) of his love to her. He really truly love this gal, and she does too howver, circumstances are as such.

So basically...its a scandalous song..HAHAHA

Ok enough of the emo crap. Its a nice song on its own...and I love it.

As I said earlier...I hoped I dont have to rot in east coast...well I didnt (thank god)

Sri and her family was kind enough to join.(thanx sis)

Anyways....we all had stomach aches...prolly cos of eating too much at popeyes. To me, nothing beats DO&ME fried chicken. Its still number one in our list.

Ok...might be going bowling later.....with the cuzzins Yeah!

Till next time..

take care~

zombie

2008-02-07T18:33:00.000+08:00

ZOMBIE

Happy CNY peeps. So..how did I spent my hols so far......

Morning - went to the cemetry

Afternoon - Zonked out till 6

Present - Awaiting the rest get ready for dinner at popeyes chicken

as well as spending the nighit over at East Coast Park.

Gawd...seriously.....I think im gonna rot there. I hope not though...

Anyways....let the night unravel itself....

Yesterday....Went out with the gals again.....to SING!!

HAHA....yana was kind enough to chip in for me and Shasa (TANX GAL)

It was an enjoyable day.

It was a great day

And I just LOVE how it ended at the end.

May we have HIS blessings in what we do

Its hard to let the heart lead me on again.

Im on auto pilot now....like a zombie given a boost of IQ. (I believe Ive made a lot of typos this far....I have a valid reason for that.)

I hope dad will drive later.......cos speed racer is out of juice. Just wana slack jack at the back...and let the night pass by quickly.

Look what youve done

2008-02-06T01:26:00.000+08:00

LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE

Today...I put the plan to practice....cycling to school. Its been a while though...however, I realised that im getting faster at it....maybe its the adrenaline..that need for speed. I reached school faster than the normal travelling time it takes me by bus. I took roughly half an hour, 40mins max. However it was a mad rush to school just now...as in jumping kerbs to avoid traffic lights (I cycle on the road by the way) So yah..that saved me some time. However today I realised that My bikes in a really bad shape....its rusting like mad...the chain looked as if its gonna snap anytime soon (NOOOOO). Oh mad Nurul too...and she must have told Farid abt me cycling cos he msged me bt it. He also made me realise that I have been riding this bike for freaking 8 years. WOW.Imagine that....8 blooming years and this thing can still take the speed and the jumps....awesome.

After tutorial, I had to rush home...the sky dont look that friendly to cyclist...So I dashed home in the nick of time...catching only a slight drizzle.

In the later part of the day, I went to town for a meeting, TARTS related. Its gonna be bz bz for me in the next few weeks. Fauzys planning to make me learn the hard way..by giving me a booth to handle.(bites nails) HAHA. Its a good idea bro....but seriously..I shall give it my best.

Met Neelesh and the gals at Jurong West. Brought em over to NTU to chill. The view from the rooftop of NBS is amazing. Neelesh was showing us clips from HEY BABY....and everyone got excited...espeacially shasha.HAHA.

He can be super annoying to otheres at times...however....hes a good friend to chil and share your problems with.

Anyways......I would like to dedicate this song to Nisha. If your reading this....its for you noe who.

And also to all those people who keep screwing around and being all fickle and all.

Dont make a fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wallIf it just won't sing for you'Cause all that's left has gone awayAnd there's nothing there for you to proveOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneOh well, it seems likes such funUntil you lose what you had wonGive me back my point of view'Cause I just can't think for youI can hardly hear you sayWhat should I do, well you chooseOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneOh well, it seems likes such funUntil you lose what you had wonOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneA fool of everyoneA fool of everyoneTake my photo off the wallIf it just won't sing for you'Cause all that's left has gone awayAnd there's nothing there for you to doOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneOh well, it seems likes such funUntil you lose what you had wonOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneA fool of everyoneA fool of everyone

Specially u

2008-02-05T01:45:00.000+08:00

SPECIALLY YOU

Guess what peeps...its 150am and here I am blogging. Life must really be going thru a round of twister for me...erm left hand yellow...left leg green...and...splat

"The tables turned so suddenly"

Maybe its for a good reason.....its not wise to question the works of God...However it is wise to question how did we get here....(wherever here is)

Mistakes after mistakes...we fumble clumsily thru this stage of life...not knowing what is in store. However what we do noe (at times ) is our stubborn nature to not learn. And yet we still do it.

(ok what the hell are you blaberring at this time of night/morning)

Anyways...to those who understands....then its great to be understood.

Today....I went out to help Shasha get a job somewhere near Bugis. I really hope she does get one soon....cos she needs it. So if anyone out there who have any openings to offer do beep me (free advertising...bopian..bo lui)

On our way there, This uncle (suspected junkie) said the following:

Junkie : Salam bro....

Me : wasalam....

Junkie : nie melayu eh

Me : (wth) ermm ah ah..kenapa?

Junkie : mintak tolong ah bro...member gua dah bui gua lah

Me : (OOooooK) apa cerita ?

Junkie : mintak duit boleh bro?

Me : brapa?

Junkie : $2

Shasa : lets go (tugging me away)

Me : $2 tak ada ah...50cent ok?

Junkie : Ok..boleh..terima kasih

Shasha : wah you so nice ah...

disclaimer: conversation is subjected to change due to the shock the author was experiencing. However..the gist of the whole thing is unaltered.

Thank you (I said thank you)

After Asar,we hang out at city hall to access the free wireless at Mcs. God bless free wireless services!

So we did some resumes and stuffs like that...the normal thing. Oh yah, yana came too and we were having a blast (as usual )

We sat by the river front shortly....Yana kept saying that tonight is different somehow...Shasha agrees too. Me...I just kept quiet...I dont want them to know this then.

For I also feel that its different in a way.

The gals went off to penin...leaving me alone...ALONE!! for one hour (close to an hr actually)

It sux..but luckily I have good friends to accompany me. Tanx Neelesh and Fath!

The day ended rather well I suppose.

I need help

as in seriously.......

Im having my first donation tin can made

Do donate generously to the needy

I am needy.

HAHA

I dont have any songs to share tonight (a bit lazy to go to you tube ). However...If I do want to post a song, it will have to be

"Follow ME" by Uncle Kracker

Follow me

Everything is alright

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night

And if you want to leave I can guarantee

You won't find nobody else like me

month of love

2008-02-04T02:01:00.000+08:00

Month of Love

Its the a new month people.....and let this month be blue. For many reasons

1) Its my favourite colour

2) I find it peaceful and serene

3) Its the colour of the clear sky on a windy day (have you ever noticed how beautiful that is)

Ok, enough of that, lets get cracking.

Firstly, Congrats to Artina and Firdaus for finally tying the knot today, after years of romance (JC LOVEBIRDS). Im proud of both of you. May you both be blessed with many more years of happiness together, with each other. GAMBATTE!

It was a wet wet sunday. Met up with old mates at the wedding, did some catching up and stuffs, Guys with their guy talks (among other things like checking the crowd) and Gals with their makeups and kebayas (among other things and checking the crowd as well)

Met up with a few friends after that, went to bugis to get some stuffs.....I think im getting broke really fast, Maybe its time to put that bike (bicycle) back to shape. Cycle to school to save up some cash sounds like a swell idea right now. Recently I told osh that I think that Im beggining to turn to a daredevil driver. Its like I dont know why but this sudden zest in me. This sudden need for speed, this unity of man and machine, I seriously need to get a wife (car) soon. And take care of her like my life depends on it. Why? cos unlike gals, they dont give you that much hurt (unless you wreck it...boy is dat gonna be painful). As much as I want someone to be with, I think experience have taught me to be more careful. So...I will take things slow for the moment. Good thing is, the numbness is gone. Its time to let opportunities flow in.

Ok back to cars. The day before, My sis got freaked out by my driving. If you (sis) are reading this please dont tell them (mum and dad) k. and Sis, Trust me on my driving. Im an enthusiast...im not a fool. I calculate my risks carefully. Thats how I got this far in life I guess. Calculate risks. You should know me better. And also, dont tell mum and dad (2nd time..im serious bt this)(I think they already know...but to what extent...Im unsure ). Alhamdulilah, Ive had a clean sheet so far, I hope it stays that way. Driving is a passion. Driving fast, with all that adreneline..is another thing. Its better than any other emotion known to man.

On the way to Yishun, Along the Marine Parade Exit, approaching the corner, at 90KM/Hr, I dropped gear, Brake before the turn steered left and reved up. As expected, the car drifted. I guessed I might have oversteered....so I counter steered, clumsilly causing the car to shift erratically from side to side before putting it straight back into lane. (This was done when no other vehicle was around. Im neither a road hazard nor a moron). The feeling was orgasmic. hahaha. Its been a while since I did such acts (last was in NTU, before they put those humps along hall 7, BOOOO).

Its the month of LOVE. love love love

This four letter that has constanly been at the back of my mind. Ive so much to give....but sadly..not many tend to appreciate it. Osh said that im too nice a person and that maybe I should stop being too nice. Well I dont noe...this is how I am. Its hard to change this. And who knows...maybe an angel from above might learn to appreciate this part of me. God is great, Everything is kinda mapped out for us. However, Its up to us how to place the pieces correctly. We control the path...to the destination set by him. Nothing is confirmed. Thats why we are told to work hard for it and ask for guidance when we are stuck. We are just humans. And being humans, we have alot of shortcomings.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now"

Here I am at 237 in the morning..writing this entry...getting sleepy now. Till I blog again.

Tata~~

Just to share this awesome song........Its sad but true......everythings made to be broken in a way...But......Ive not given up hope as yet....Somethings are made to be broken....while some are made to last a lifetime....So ultimately, dont be blind....see....feel....and listen

And I'd give up forever to touch you'Cause I know that you feel me somehowYou're the closest to heaven that I'll ever beAnd I don't want to go home right nowAnd all I can taste is this momentAnd all I can breathe is your life'Cause sooner or later it's overI just don't want to miss you tonightAnd I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understandWhen everything's made to be brokenI just want you to know who I amAnd you can't fight the tears that ain't comingOr the moment of truth in your liesWhen everything feels like the moviesYeah you bleed just to know you're alive[Iris lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]And I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understandWhen everything's made to be brokenI just want you to know who I am(break and solo)And I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understandWhen everything's made to be brokenI just want you to know who I amAnd I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understandWhen everything's made to be brokenI just want you to know who I amI just want you to know who I amI just want you to know who I amI just want you to know who I am

DUm di Dum

2008-01-30T16:16:00.001+08:00

Dum Di Dum

This entry is done in school, a last minute rush of thoughts, a moment of inspiration, so pardon the lack of logic and thought.

Im suppose to be in nano and society. However, I had to rush down to the lab, a sort of appointment. Sorry Filz, Ramzi and Fren (i forgot ur name). I try to make it for next week...my very best. Promise!

The past 2 weeks have been intresting, I hang out with new people as well as those old buddies that I rarely meet nowadays. Im getting myself involved in something that I fear terribly. However, I suppose some things cant be helped. I dread uncertainty.

Some call it destiny, some call it fate, I call it a bridge of opportunity. Destiny is something like an opener you noe. It initiates, the source of a reaction. wheter you choose to take that path shown to you, or not, its purely up to you. Thats how destiny works. We write our own fate. Who we are ten years down the road, where we will be will be the result of our own actions. Not a predetermined force that has already specify our course of life. Only death is certain. Nevertheless, its unwise to dwell on the work of GOD. Let him do his work and we, do ours. As his loyal servants.

I passed her a book which I hope she will read, It helps at this times of need. You dont need loud music, nor the high from things, you just need to tell HIM your problems, and amazingly, you will find the peace that you seek. So its a tried and tested experiment. I did it.

If you think im in love.....well I dont noe....

Love has been a kinda phobia to me now....prolly cos nobody seems to appreciate it as much..nobody as in my partners. Whats wrong about falling so madly in love with someone. I dont think its a crime. However to most, its an opportunity. To take advantage of. Im not the sort to sweet talk girls, im not the sort who lies about my existance. Im just one word. Sincere.

Love is a force created for us to enjoy and cherish. Its pure and serene.Its just sad that its often sadly manipulated for ones greed.

Hope is free.....and I hope......that one day.....id get that wish

For ive waited....patiently I have......

and if thats not enough...id wait even longer....till an angel drops from the heavens

and give me her wings...

(this is weird....Im feeling so emo right now.....dammit)

Ok before I do further damage, Id like to sum it up by this song called bleeding love. enjoy.

Closed off from love I didn’t need the pain Once or twice was enough And it was all in vain Time starts to pass Before you know it you’re frozen But something happened For the very first time with you My heart melts into the ground Found something true And everyone’s looking round Thinking I’m going crazy But I don’t care what they say I’m in love with you They try to pull me away But they don’t know the truth My heart’s crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open Trying hard not to hear But they talk so loud Their piercing sounds fill my ears Try to fill me with doubt Yet I know that the goal Is to keep me from falling But nothing’s greater Than the rush that comes with your embrace And in this world of loneliness I see your face Yet everyone around me Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe But I don’t care what they say [Bleeding Love lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]I’m in love with you They try to pull me away But they don’t know the truth My heart’s crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I.... Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open And it’s draining all of me Oh they find it hard to believe I’ll be wearing these scars For everyone to see I don’t care what they say I’m in love with you They try to pull me away But they don’t know the truth My heart’s crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I.... Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open and I.... Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love

Parallel lines

2008-01-25T16:36:00.000+08:00

PARALLEL LINES

Hey there, Look whos back.

Ok ive done the necessary changes for this blog, main pic is up and personally, it looked kinda good (isi bakul angkat sendiri nampak) HAHA. If you look closely, You can see the things that matters to me. the car, the guitar, and wat nots.

Ok hope thats enough for the brief introduction to todays post. Now, lets get things rolling, lets spill the beans.

Its week 3 here in NTU and things are looking fine as it is. Im kinda enjoying this few weeks with people, hanging out with new friends and etc. in a months time, I wont be seeing them anymore. As days go by, I see my days a student slowly slipping away.Im gonna miss all of these.

I gotta meet Harith, Rawdah, Shera, Mas, and the whole mats group B. People whom ive yet to meet is ferdy and gang. MANA SAK KORANG.

Anyways, today during Friday prayers, the khutbah was about Marriage. Its relating to the Divorce cases. While hearing all this, my mind starts churning, and fear creeps in. Seperation, Divorce, Broken families....somehow my body suddenly feel the chills. Obviously, noone in the right mind will think of having one. However, you know, sometimes shit happens, in this case, shit rolls downhill too, compromising children and loved ones. Its a sad journey.

I know im not supposed to be thinking about marriage and stuffs yet. However, I worry....worry that I cant hit it right the first time (Nauzubillah). May God shelter me in this journey, walking on the plains of falsehood on borrowed time, on cracked heels I wonder, aimlessly, before YOU showed me the path, and may YOU keep me on it, till my last breath...the breath which will utter nothing, but ur glorious name.

SubahanALLAH.

Im suppose you all know what parallel lines are right.By defination, they are two or more lines which will not intersect with each another from zero to infinity. Meaning. They will never cross.

However, some parallel lines only appear parallel. Let them run long enough, and you will notice that they will CONVERGE at some point. now you all must be cursing me by now and wants me to get to the point.Wats my point? well my point is, take our life as a line in the timeline of the universe. Obviously in this timeline, there are many more lines, of the billions or maybe trillions of people whom had walked on the surface of this Earth. Now..when lines intersect, it means that in that lifetime, These people crossed paths. They either converge after, or diverge. Now imagine that somehow, your line gets crossed by another unexpectedly. Someone whom you tot whose life's is alway gonna be parallel to u, but due to some weird force, it actually converges to yours.

This is not the first time somthing like this is happening to me. The previous one was around 3 years ago. And now, a new encounter is taking place. Im a bit cautious this time, Hopefully I can stay focussed. Like they say, if things were meant to happen, they will happen. If not, just glad that nothing bad comes out of it.

To my new found friends, Im glad i have the oppourtunity to know all of you.

May this friendship lasts a lifetime.

maintanence

2008-01-15T18:24:00.000+08:00

MAINTANENCE

Hey....wat happened to my blog pic.

Ok this sux....I think I have to tweek up this page

Add some blings to it

Pimp it up

Haha..too tired to think of anything rite now.

I need a good sleep.......

I need a g..oo.....d......

.ZZzzzzzzzzzzz

Love Music

2008-01-14T02:06:00.000+08:00

MUSIC

*Music, babes and what nots*

Im here again, it has been yet again a hectic weekend but hey...whats new.

Ok, highlights for the week, I met Soff online(webcam)!! She looked damn happy and I am so envious of her. Its always a dream for me to visit Japan. Shes living there for 2 years ! Anyways, we had a long talk and I had the opportunity to witness her cooking skills on real time. She was cooking Spaghetti . It was awesome. Gals who can cook RAWKS. (its rare ok)

Lately, Ive been thinking (yeah wats new yanz). Ok, its this pursuit of HappYness. Sometimes we think that we are happy, but we are just being delusional. We think that we are right, but in fact, we are afraid to acknowledge the truth. We want to believe that we are all that, but in fact we are no where near. We think that we are living in reality. But its actually a sad falsehood that we actually choose to conform to.

We are afraid of making choices, and we are are clouded with regret whenever a choice is made ( We actually do in one way or another, its just better to believe that we dont).

Its like music to the ears.....nice to hear and all...however if we listen carefully, what we actually hear is the voice of the songwriter and not of the singer. melodies masks the pain. To feel pain, we have to go through it. I believe i have my fair share of that.

The falsehood of our believe is sometimes beneficial to us. like it gives as motivation, to propell us further. Like to believe that we are happy, will bury all those sorrow and keep us up and running. However, if we over do it, we tend to lose touch of wats real, and wat we want to believe is real. There have to be a time to face all these lies.

Question is, are we ready for it.

You are your worst enemy.

So are you living in reality? are you real in the first place?

Go figure.

This is me yanto signing off, reminding you incase you forget, of the subtle things in life that you tend to overlook.

Amal Muhaam

2008-01-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

Amal Muharam

A Brand Start to a New Beginning.

*LoveDreams&Pain*

As the week progresses, as time passes me by at an instance, I stop to take a breather, to lenghten the seconds, to cheat time, to stop this Earth all together.

Now everythings in a pause, I stood and observe.

*depressing the REWIND button*

My week started off with a phonecall from the past. It was rather meaningful in a sense. I dont know if she realise why the arguments happen in the first place. Since shes apologising for most of the things she did in the past I hope she understood, why it occured in the first place. Anyways, im Happy for her. I hope she stops making the same mistakes. Cos seriously, It sucks being at the other end.

Have you ever felt as though accurances occur in a pattern, as though a message is being decrypted for you? Well, I came to realise that maybe, im picking up somethings from dad. Analysing and deducing. Ive been accused of assuming( give me a break)....seriously...deducing takes a lot more work.

A strange coincident happened the day after, A strange force just made me not go to my lecture as I was half an hour late. I met Maaruf at the canteen. We sat there for an hour an a half, talking about general stuffs, like politics, Islam and stuffs. It was an eye opener, and at times like this, Id thank god for giving me HIS knowlledge. After the next lecture, I went to the Mussolah( prayer room) for Dzuhur. There was something different about the prayer this time round. I was leading two brothers in the prayers and right after salam, after I was 'istirgfaring', I recited Surah - Alfatihah, slowly, verse by verse, and I started tearing. I always pray to GOD to let him open up my heart n appreciate his verses, I believe at that instance, somthing in me opened up. MashaAllah. The emotional rush that ran across my body. It was unbelievable.

I went to gym later, along the way, thinking about the occurances of the day, trying to see a connection, trying to make things familiar and relateble. I met her brother there. It was unexpected. And I went over and said 'hi'. Watever she said the day before did something to me. And I believe its screwing up my state of mind. I hope it will stop.

As I waited for the new year that Wednessday, the passed year flashed passed me in seconds, of all the things that I did. I felt ashamed, ashamed that I couldnt be that person that I should have been, and it instilled a kinda spirit in me, the awakening.

People say things just happen, Id say things happen for a reason. Lifes like a dynamo effect, one actions leads to another and another and so on. Each decision you make, its step that you take, wil leave a familiar mark, an invinsible pattern to the untrained eye.

*press play*

Sometimes, youd tend to observe more when you slow down. Do we always have to be in a rush? some things just need patience. That brings me to todays picture, LoveDreams&pain

"Many people have this idea that love is supposed to last forever But love isnt like that.Its a free flowing energy that comes and goes as it pleases.Sometimes its stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month or a year. So dont fear love when it comes simply because it makes you feel vulnerable. But dont be surprised if it leaves either. Just be glad that you had the oppourtunity to experience it" - Joel Kramer, adaptated by Neil Strauss.

That will answer the question why love aint enough. Cos seriously if you are planning to stay in a relationship. Love alone wont sustain it. You need commitment and trust. So if you have yet to realise this, do so now before its too late. Cos if your looking for just LOVE in a relationship, wothout commitment or trust, ur just kidding yourself.

This is me yanto signing off, reminding you of all the little things that you might have forgotten

peace, Wassalam

Life

2008-01-09T01:13:00.000+08:00

THE SCREWED UPS

*Womens' Wrath*

I met a friend not long ago, even after all the problems and crap we have with each other, I put it aside for old times sake, he was down and he needs someone to talk to.

After the long talk, It made me realise something, something that im blessed with, a very loving family. I realise that its true that if you think that you are facing a hard time, theres always someone whos facing something worst. He was beaten and battered, and I just have to be there.

I grew up with values that are of love and respect. The words 'sorry' is never far from my lips for im not brought up with this ideology of ego. And when I do realise its existence, Its too late, my character and personality is far to solid to be swayed. Pride, I do believe in pride and to be clear, its not the same as ego. Pride is your self worth. Ego, is your 'face'. Pride is something that youd lay down your life for. With pride comes honour, and without honour, its not worth living.

I was once told that im not good at standing up for my partners, and that gals like being stood up for, they feel protected and sorts. Now my stand to this is again pride. As long as your pride is not compromised, to me its cool. Cos most of the time, its the ego that is being bruised, not your pride and self worth. I mean, Is it worth it ? To stand up for someone whom ur not even sure loves you with the same intensity as you do? Someone who doesnt show you the slightest sign that you have weight in their lives. We are not talking about the usual meet up and fone calls, its something deeper.....If you understand this, then you know wat im talking about.

However, If its for my family, friends who have been there for me, these people who have sacrifice something from their life to accomodate to my needs, without asking for anything in return. The sincerity of bringing back a lost smile without being asked to. This are the people whom id give my life to.

There are also people who have so much ego in them, that they cant show love, It seem so unatural and alien to do so in their opinion. The moment they open their mouth, something hurtful comes out of it, eventhough their heart is beaming with love. Its tough to understand them, but, i hope they lay back a bit and chill, A mountain of ego points is not gonna be beneficial if your not receiving the kind of love, or giving the kind of love that you should. Stop pretending and lying and for once, step out from that shell and speak from the heart. Before its too late.

Ive seen people, and this is from a personal experience, regretting not able to tell their love ones how much they mean to them, till its too late. Its better to spend a few minutes, seconds even of shame than a lifetime of regret. Do the maths, issit worth it?

Im running deep again, venturing deep in my thoughts and soul. Im often seen looking tired, often 'high' and this is something amusing to my friends. Theyd say I sniff glue or take drugs and stuff like that, and id play along, they are not eating to my self pride, its just stupid remarks which even a 10 year old can tell. The reason to this is maybe due to my late nights. I cant stop worrying and thinking. I think im cursed. Haha, my dad does this too, and I think this habit of ours contribute significantly to the monthly electric bills. Ive always longed for a peaceful sleep and a deep one, one which I can clear my mind off things for just a moment, and rest. I need to seek help. HAHAHA.

Its hard for us to accomplish the best in one lifetime. Its not impossible, but the percentage of success is small. If its high, then there wont be poverty would there, there wont be debts and problems. We will all be in eutopia. Its a game of choice and most of you already know this, Its how you priotise your life, carear vs family, money vs love things like that. You cant have both of them. My dad taught me that you cant have everything in life. To have something, you have to forgo the other. And he also said that If you love someone sincerely, you must learn to let go and not ask for anything back.I apply this to some of the decisions I made, Even if its gonna hurt me like hell. I dont deny it, I look up to him alot. He may not be the perfect Father, but he sure does try his best to be one. People might think that im a 'mummys' boy and such, BUT hey. after all they had done in bringing this family up and intact, am I gonna just live my life and leave them like that after I have all that I needed? No, its called gratitude, and to those who are still unaware of its existence, I feel sad for them.

Often I find myself at crossroads, and iI have to make decisions I wish I can avoid. Im told to not look back. But thats something that I cant seem to do. I dont keep books sealed tight, I just lock em up and throw the keys somewhere. At times if its worth it, Id search back for the keys, and at times, people find them for me.

Nothing in this world lasts. Its just a holding ground, the greatest curse for the sons of Adam. To wake up everyday, not knowing if youd see another day, and to brave the world as the tides comes and goes

This is me yanto singning off. To remind you in case you forget, of the subtle things in life that we tend to overlook.

peace, Wassalam.

Goodbye 2007

2008-01-08T18:17:00.000+08:00

GOODBYE 2007

Its the new year again and its time to say goodbye an farewell to a 2007

2007 was a roller coaster ride for me...an emotional one to be exact. There were times of joy and pain....there were times I was high on cloud 9 and times when I wish id just sleep forever and not wake up, to not relive the pain over and over again. It was a year that saw me make changes, changes that I swore to keep and implement. I am never gonna repeat watever mistakes I made, I am never gonna bleed myself over the past.

The idea of love and marriage, one which I have been stubbonly holding on to, the pureness of it all and etc, was forced to be let go. My beliefs in them came crashing down one day and ive not yet able to make a comeback I guess. So for the time being, they are what you may call, 'realised' (fantasy pulled to reality).

Ive been dropping like a rock, since i lost my wings, falling endlessly to the arms of self destruction, occasionally clinging on to loose items along the way, once drained, id fall again, and that was how I was for the a few months. BUT, I managed to get a firm grip soon afterwards, and have began slowly climbing back up again, taking a little step at a time, being patient and accepting things as they are. At times I wish I can fly back up again, but I know thats its impossible right now. Eventhough I have chances at flying back again, through the wings that flocked around me, I stubbonly choose the rugged path. Im afraid, to be led high up and then drop again like a rock. Or worst still, do the same to another. Id rather take my time, slowly, for I know good things comes for those who wait...and I shall wait.

Like the picture above suggested, dats the kind of thing ive been feeling for a long time. I want to find 'happYness'. Yes with a 'Y' like that Will Smith show. I want to go through it raw, experiencing all the cuts and bruises that goes along with it. And when I finally get it, then Id be THAT man, the man who have truly found happYness.

So as we bid farewell to 2007 and embrace 2008 with open arms, learning to let go of all those pain, anger and such. To just accept things slowly...to just take a breather at a time.

To look up in to the clear sky and having a new sense of hope

A hope that the right pair of wings will come by, pursuading this beated and bruised man to rise up together, A hope I know is possible to achieve for this stubborn heart does have its weakness. With the right key, I shall be free.

So to all you people out there, heads up and ride on.

Lifes a journey, and this is a new chapter of it....

Before I end this post, let me share with all of you a collction of pictures from the actress of 'Witch Yu Hee' , Han Ga In. Maybe I will imagine her face while making that long climb

a quater century

2007-12-27T02:48:00.000+08:00

A QUATER CENTURY

Im a quater century now

And lifes just coming along

Answering the what and hows

And figuring out the rights and wrongs

Im a quater century now

And lifes opening its arms

Embracing me with warmth and asks how

Im going about cos I can be such a bum

I look back to life and said only this

That im a free spirit who have much to give

To conquer himself and defeat his beast

Reborn not as a child but as a man, whos ready to live.

At 25, When most people think they have already live long enough to claim that they have actualy lived, I froze time and in its essence, realise that im just beginning to live. LIke caterpillars undergoing metamorphosis, we humans also go throught the same cycle. We do grow wings.....and with them, we soar higher and explore new horizons. Only when we fly up high into the sky...can we see the real picture of the reality we are in. Shifts in perspectives and paradigms.

My reality may not be the same as others, the same way as how my common sense may differ from others as well. There is no real 'right 'or wrong answers. However there are 'accepted' right and wrong answers. So how do we know if we are in the right? We can never know till the day of judgement. BUT, what we can be sure of, is that different people have different opinions. Observing ourselves, knowledge and values instilled into us since young, we are our own judge. We judge ourselves before others could. As it takes faith to create a religion. It takes confidence and trust to build up character and principles existing in your own reality. Most of the time, we are living in others reality. Maybe its time to wake up from this dream, this borrowed reality and enter reality. Your own reality.

May GOD bless me with the wisdom of the prophets.

Ameen.

Biyanne~

2007-12-23T02:38:00.000+08:00

Biyanne

Shangrila was it? Yeah..how can I forget that place. I had to track up the hills and knolls of richmans land to get to. We mistook Shang Ri La apartments for it the hotel though. Fauzy was smart to think of a decent way to ask for directions. A young Malay as at the reception counter.

Fauzy: Excuse me, can you please direct us to the sunshine room

Receptionist: Sorry sir, theres no such room here.

Fauzy : Oh, this is Shang Ri La hotel right?

Receptionist: No it isnt sir, thats the one beside this building

Fauzy: Oh sorry, and thank you

Receptionist: (looking at me) You are here for the part time job issit?

Me: (shocked) Erm..No im not...(smile) :)

Ok we both found it strange that she only directed that question to me. Do i look like im in need of cash that BAD.sheeeeesh

We headed on to SRL hotel. The place was sooo huge that they had 2 wings. NASTY.wats worst, we went up to the wrong wing after a long climb up the hill..ARGHHH! ( to be continued )

I am drained...but im happily drained. These busy lifestyle is good. It kinda keeps me out of more trouble in a way. Ive not been excercising for the whole week. Im feeling sinful as it is. Gotta train more...gambatte!!

After a few sleepless nights, the reports for SB is finally done and im relieved. And just when I feel I can slack a little, a new challenge awaits.....I miss slacking..haha...but I guess its too late to turn back now...Look forward and move on. No regrets, stick to the plan.

Its been a while since ive thought about deep stuffs, maybe cos im too bz...however, afer beeing rooted to the tv for almost a day to watch MY WITCH, YU HEE, this korean show ( which feature a very cute preety actress, gosh im so awed by her beauty, whether its real or not, i dont really give a damn....god must have really spent a little more time on her.) any way.....this Yu Hee gal is a very strong headed and independant lady. the thing is shes confused when it comes to love. I take it as shes selfish and greedy. Its like you have two good options and not knowing who to choose. Just holding on to both...and see which one cocks up. I guess its a natural thing.its sad to see love evolve into something as such. Things like this makes me not want to settle down any time soon. the system is failing people!

Am I making sense?

Anyways...in that note, I would like to address something of importance here. In this course of life im going, ive encountered things which I dont seem to really comprehend. This thing about love. I figured that im the kind of person who always gives...and im kinda find it awkward when the other party does it to me. prolly cos Ive never experienced it before. Im sorry to those people whose dreams I cant fulfill. I do not know how to handle this kinda situations...cos like i said, im always giving. And when I give, it means that ive already made up my mind to be with someone, the only reason for me to feel otherwise is if I believe the other person can be happier without me or when she no longer needs me. I do not know how to reciprocate. Im sorry. Its not because you all are lacking or anything, its just me. And by now, you all might realise that my only solution is to be quiet and not do anything except for being as per normal, cos i seriously do not want to lead anyone on. Cos I know how it sucks being led on. So again im sorrie, Biyanne

Im fine as I am right now :)

I have enough love to sustain me for the meantime

The love of angels.

May you all find happiness.

I hope I can get well soon. I hate being sick like this.

Someone send me a korean bride please a vietnam one would be nice too...prolly in ten years time ok..HAHAH.

take care peeps.

May God Have Mercy

2007-12-19T02:06:00.000+08:00

MAY GOD HAVE MERCY

Here I am...abraubtedly awaken from my slumber. Since I find it hard to get back to LALA land, I decided to make this entry.

For this past two weeks, I have been very2 busy. So busy that im almost out every single day. And NO...its not like im going out on dates or anything, its just commitments.....im taking this thing seriously..seriously with a capital S.

Ive been running around and juggling time between my family, FYP, T.Arts and Tapac. Ive not have enough sleep or proper meals for quite some time now. I think im losing more weight and more energy. Maybe thats why im so sick now, AND the weather is not helping!!

Ive found two great passion in life and thats music and drawing. I plan to realize these dreams of mine, one that ive not been able to think of previoulsy. Im 24, to most people in this society, im old. However, to people generally across the world, life is just starting. Im still young and I think god has made life for me as such so that I can really achieve something. Getting a degree is not the end. Its the begining, the foundation to whats to come (as said by SB). He made me realise things that no one can, and he made me believe that im worth much more than what I think. Those long nights in Tapac was indeed a blessing. I think god every day for bringing me to him.

gosh my head is killing me.

T.arts is progressing very well, and fauzy is a great teacher. I think im getting better by his coaching...tweaking me a little here and there, at the same time being very patient with my cornyness and all ( I feel you bro, haha). We are gonna have a full blast event at Bt Timah Shopping Centre (opp al-ameen) this weekend. Hope it will be a blast! Hanging out with them for the past weeks sure is memorable.

last Friday, we had a job at Shang Ri La. gawd..the place is sooooooo hard to get to.

getting sleepy....id continue this some other time yah

PS : didnt noe that being single is as complicated as when im not. God have mercy on me, Please dont lead me astray and do keep me close to the path you created (ameen)

Sunday Sunday

2007-12-09T23:07:00.000+08:00

Sunday's sunday

I was late! Promise to meet osh at Jurong East MRT by 945. I came at 10 (sorry dude)

I was practically forcing my eyes open and dragging my battered body out of home. I was that tired. Saw the "tissue paper one doller" auntie. She sure was dressed up for SUNDAY. She was wearing yellow from head to toe (no kidding) Prolly she wants the sun that badly. I feel for her...I miss my sunshine too.

Went over to the Chinese chamber of commerce for our performance. Never expected a Malay wedding to be held there. I mean..the front entrance kinda look like a Chinese temple. Well it sure was an experience. Fusion people...this is what the new world is all about*. Anyways, we were the first to arrive.

We hit it off at 1230pm sharp. Lenny was a bit under the weather....sigh....so most of the time...we have to cover by playing instrumental.Im sighing cos I was expecting to hear my fav classical songs after so long. Anyways, apparently the bride is Fatah's cousin if im not wrong. Small world.

Ive never seen so many preety gals in one function before. This 'majlis' takes the cake

Hahaha. ( I messed up a few beats today, I think you know why *wink)

Koko: Next song lagu salam laksmana

SB: lagu apa?

Osh : Salam laksmana

SB: apa?

Yanto : Salam laksmana

SB : Asal tak cakap siang2...alamak

Osh : Tu ah yanto..asal kau tak cakap siang2 (coyly)

Yanto: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ( im seriously too tired to entertain this)

There was a point whereby we keep playing joget songs. Im a bit drained at this moment....need smthing to keep me awake...

Osh : tak ke tak tung tung (joget)

Yanto : Thats what im playing (slightly annoyed)

smthing happens to cross our line of sight.

gendang: tak tak tung tung

SB : woit

Yanto : (grins coyly at him)

gendang : tak ke tak tung tung

After the show, we all went to KTM (railway) for dinner (fath if ur reading this, dont be jealous). I ate alot in such along time. Im feeling guilty for that (weird). I had yong taufu with maggi curry. We chit chatted for a while before heading home. Im dead beat.

SB : Kita mesti hargai budaya kita. Generasi awak semua nie terlalu banyak budaya barat.Dari, kebaratan, kita kena ada tahap realisasi. kesedaran atas siapakah diri kita. Selepas itu baru kita boleh terima kebudayaan.

The wise old man never fail to impress me. His conversations are never dull or a waste of time. Theres messages hidden in them. If you manage to unlock them, then alhamdulilah. that ilmu is yours.

Anyways....let me share with you some of the best performance we had (personal opinion)

This is a song called 'adikku sayang'. I really miss working with the kids. Hope we have another 'bengkel' soon.

* The writer wishes to emphasize that fusion is good provided that one knows about his roots in the first place. So ignorance in this sence...is not bliss.

December

2007-12-08T23:34:00.000+08:00

Let December Roll In with "Style"

lets paint the town RED

As mentioned earlier......ive made plans and commitments for the month. And amazingly, im sticking religiously to it! I think im getting more discipline in this new passion of mine, evolution.

You know that there are things that you know you should be doing but never actually have the determination or the 'push' to do it. Well..I think I have found mine and I only have HIM to thank for. For making me face all sorts of hurdles and kinda like telling me,

"DUDE YOU ARE NOT GONNA LIVE FOREVER....WAKE UP, AND DONT PUT TO WASTE THIS LIFE IVE GIVEN YOU!!"

Doesnt sound religious...but hey..HE understands me best..and thats what matters most. I pray that I have HIS blessings in whatever Im doing.

Here are highlights of the things I did.

First weekend of December, I attended Nisa 's (my ex) wedding dinner. She looked like a deserving queen indeed. It was held at Suntec and I have to admit, the whole thing was way too cool. Live band, nice ambience...nothing could be improved on (well mayb the food). It was nice meeting old friends and catching up and stuff. I have complaints from people that I dont know how to dress up for these kinda events. Well sorry to say this, but my fashion sense is not limited by stereotypes or social expectations. I will wear what I think suits me and the event. I think im a fussy dresser in the sense that I DO NO LIKE TO WEAR FORMAL ATTIRES. One reason is because maybe I do not like the formal stuffs that I own as they are rather to baggy or too 'out of touch'. I feel like an old man in them. So, lets go through the attire for the evening.

As I was not directly from home, I was already in my :

Truck cap, 'dog tags', white byford tees, khaki CK jeans and brown Trail snickers.

I was carrying a backpack...and in it was a black formal coat my water bottle and deodorant.

Ok....so once I reach there, after my magrib prayers, I simply put on the coat. Done, formality and personality intact. After much disapproval from my friends and assurance that my hair does not looked like it was moulded to my head, I decided to take off the cap.

After the dinner, Nisa said that I looked very smart....seee even the bride was impressed (HAHA). So people, I dont have issues in THIS ok.

Ok I know that I should 'dress up my age' (24) as said by 'some people'. Look, I dont mean to be disrespectful but being my age is just too boring. I dont like conformity in this sense. I believe what you wear reflects your personality. I find it weird how people judge your dressing to how mature you are. I mean please...havent you all heard of 'dont judge a book by its cover' .Seriously I think the one who needs growing up, is definately not me.

Ok next....was my commitment to T-arts. I spend 2 days (Wed and Thurs) with Fauzy, brushing up on my skills. Thanx for being so patient with me bro. As the wet season has started, I had problems cycling to school (boo hoo). I feel my body getting back to lazy mode already...Got to do something.

Wed night, went to Tapac for practice and get my doze of wise advice from the old man (HAHA).

Thursday, had a great time chilling with Razak and Rawdah before my 'practice' with boss Fauzy. After that, I dragged Fath to chill with me cos I was so damn bored and well...bored(HAHA). She was a good shopping buddy too...

I bought Hush Puppies Singlets and paded gloves for cycling/weights. After that we watched GOLDEN COMPASS.

Friday, Dara and Ibrizah dragged me on a rainy Friday afternoon to PASIR RIS!! Im somehow in this BBQ commitee (like WHEN??) Anyways im under logistic and by protocol, have to recce the site. After that....I went home and rested. Remember me saying that I had to do something about preventing my body to fall into lazymode. Well I did, I went out on a cycling run to Toh Guan that very night, getting my back light (for the bike) along the way and then rounded the whole of Jurong West. Safety comes first, so thats why I have all the helmet, gloves and stuff (get the drift). Its nice to have set the heart rate back to active mode.

Saturday, T-arts Meeting!! yey..after so long...we finally had a meeting to plan out future projects and direction of the group. Its been a yr already...wow..how time flies. Next....Tapac.....have a show the day after...Why am I not asleep already!!

Im getting hungry....have no appetite this days...and skipping meals does help in saving my dwindling account.

Well since ive got no song to share for this entry( prolly cos im lazy to search for lyrics at this time of night) let me share this song, going out to those who are thinking to get back to shape. Ok if you are wondering why, well let me tell you that as an NS 2nd sergeant who spends almost 2yrs rotting as an instructor in Tekong, Im in deep shit if I dont shape up for reservist. Imagine BT TIMAH hill as a hill of crap....im burried deep down to the foot of that crap hill. Thats the kinda shit im facing.So heres how it goes (same melody as "if you are happy and you know", the children song, if you dnt noe this, drop out and go back to kindergarden.

THE HUNGRY SONG (PAST 8PM)

If you're hungry and you're fat then go to sleep

If you're hungry and you're fat

And you cant fit in those slacks

If you're hungry and you're fat than

GO TO SLEEP.

I will end this entry with a few words, Be true to yourself, and GOD. You are like a diamond in a heap of cubic zirconiums. Only the wise can know the difference and see you sparkle from miles away. So its ok if you dont get picked, its not the right one yet and a rare thing like a diamond deserves to be picked up by someone more deserving.

" I think ive been in the shadows for a tad too long, maybe its time to step into the limelight for a change".

Ps: nice to see new people on the tagboard. I may not noe you please intro aight, friendships are not to be missed out in this short time we call life. Oh and if ive not been contacting you, its cos im really bz with my tight scheduel as, mentioned. So if any of you want to meet up, either you come down to NTU or West. The recce was an exception, its an 'obligation'. SOWIEEE.

the unexpected

2007-12-01T03:06:00.000+08:00

The unexpected

Hey...its December....its time for a new color scheme...(trying to color code entries by mths)

Ive laid out plans for the month. Im gonna be fully commited to T.arts, kemuning and FYP. Yah..its in order of importance.

Today was cool, I kinda pampered myself after months of not doing such. Fauzy asked me out to a job, caricaturing.So the 3 of us, me, him and Faris, went to copthorne hotel (wat a difficult place to find!!) for a TKGS alumni 20th anniversary cum fund raising event Im kinda understudying for my solo event on the 14th for Cadburry. Hope I can catch up fast.
We chilled after that, watched a movie and had long walks. It was a nice night for a walk by the way....and its been so long since I walk past the night scene at clark quey.

On the way back home, I met Shasha, a good friend of Dianahs. It was a really unexpected meeting. I never thought Id see her again after soo long. Shes as preety as ever...and her maturity never fails to amuse me. We chatted throughout the entire journey back...about life....about stuffs....it was cool.

So till next time...

PS: Cycling trip anyone??

Breaking Free

2007-11-27T09:45:00.000+08:00

Breaking Free

Its Tuesday, 27th of November 2007. I am officially free. (yessar!)

Its been a hectic month, preparing for exams, i pop up in here occasionally to upload stuff which I think is good (like Esmee Dantes), and stuff that I wanna share with everyone (I can get really impatient when im all excited about smthing ). Anyways who knew that studying for exams can be so much fun. Ive met so many new friends, some new faces, some old ones and also there are the MIA ones. like ppl who are in yr 4 and suddenly pop out from nowhere...

Exam wise, I tawakal. Id tried hard, and I hope to see the results that I want.

December is welcoming me with open arms! id be 'attatched' this december to T.Arts and Kemuning. I have bbqs to attend to and also an 'escape' trip insyaAllah.

(But yan...what about your FYP??)

Good question. Fyp will be done as planned, hopefully 3 days per week, Damn im gonna get so tired. TP leh....so far.....dammit.

anyways...for those still with exams....GAMBATTE!!

For those who are free...welcome to the good life.

thats all for now....b4 i leave...heres one of my favs...

Photograph - Nickelback

"Photograph"

Look at this photographEverytime I do it makes me laughHow did our eyes get so redAnd what the hell is on Joey's headAnd this is where I grew upI think the present owner fixed it upI never knew we'd ever went withoutThe second floor is hard for sneaking outAnd this is where I went to schoolMost of the time had better things to doCriminal record says I broke in twiceI must have done it half a dozen timesI wonder if it's too lateShould i go back and try to graduateLife's better now then it was back thenIf I was them I wouldn't let me inOh, oh, ohOh, god, IEvery memory of looking out the back doorI had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floorIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye.Every memory of walking out the front doorI found the photo of the friend that I was looking forIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye.Remember the old arcadeBlew every dollar that we ever madeThe cops hated us hangin' outThey say somebody went and burned it downWe used to listen to the radioAnd sing along with every song we knowWe said someday we'd find out how it feelsTo sing to more than just the steering wheelKim's the first girl I kissedI was so nervous that I nearly missedShe's had a couple of kids since thenI haven't seen her since god knows whenOh, oh, ohOh, god, IEvery memory of looking out the back doorI had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floorIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye.Every memory of walking out the front doorI found the photo of the friend that I was looking forIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye.I miss that townI miss the facesYou can't eraseYou can't replace itI miss it nowI can't believe itSo hard to stayToo hard to leave itIf I could I relive those daysI know the one thing that would never changeEvery memory of looking out the back doorI had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floorIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye.Every memory of walking out the front doorI found the photo of the friend that I was looking forIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye.Look at this photographEverytime I do it makes me laughEverytime I do it makes me...

Unwritten

2007-11-18T18:50:00.000+08:00

Unwritten

Introducing Esmee Dantez, a youtube born star from the netherlands. Damn...I wish a gal can sing like this to me....haha

Oh...Natasha made a cameo....its awesome..go watch

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefinedI'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplannedStaring at the blank page before youOpen up the dirty windowLet the sun illuminate the words that you could not findReaching for something in the distanceSo close you can almost taste itRelease your inhibitionsFeel the rain on your skinNo one else can feel it for youOnly you can let it inNo one else, no one elseCan speak the words on your lipsDrench yourself in words unspokenLive your life with arms wide openToday is where your book beginsThe rest is still unwrittenOh, oh, ohI break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the linesWe've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that wayStaring at the blank page before youOpen up the dirty windowLet the sun illuminate the words that you could not findReaching for something in the distanceSo close you can almost taste itRelease your inhibitionsFeel the rain on your skinNo one else can feel it for youOnly you can let it inNo one else, no one elseCan speak the words on your lipsDrench yourself in words unspoken Drench yourself in words unspokenLive your life with arms wide openToday is where your book beginsThe rest is still unwrittenThe rest is still unwrittenThe rest is still unwritten (more)

Masih terserlah

2007-11-18T00:58:00.000+08:00

"Cepat benar engkau pergi

Hujan masih belum berhentiBanyak benar soalan ku tadiHatimu terusik kini... ooo

Sebagai kekasih kuLayak aku bertanyaSekuat mana cinta mu

Adakah insan lain di hati mu selain ku

Sayang bukannya sehari duaPercintaan kita iniYang dipersudah dipateri

Sayang jangan ikut perasaan

Marah jangan disimpanKu hanya ingin menduga

Dan kini aku tahu....."

I love the song.....Exist rawks

Alhamdullilah

2007-11-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulilah

Changes sure need to be done....some are in the planning stages...while some are still in process. Well...I cant wait for exams to end

By the way......wat HE gives....he can easily takes back....

I realise that there are more things that needs to be done......well...this song says it all

;">Alhamdulillah (Malay Version) Lyrics by Too Phat

Dian Sastro: disaat waktu berhenti...kosongdimensi membutakan mata,memekakkan telingalalu diri menjadi hampasaat paradigma dunia tak lagi digunakan untuk menerka*sadarku akan hadirmu,mematahkan sendi2 yang biasanya tegak berdiri

Yassin:ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)hayya nab'idil karaha (Let's avoid the hated and hatred)syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Malique:merenungi luar jendela,mengagumi kebesaran yang Maha Esaku menilai kehidupan dari sudut berbezatak memadai hanya kecapi rasa selesamaukan harta yang mampu beli 1 semestaberpesta ke pagi botol bergelimpangankekasih muda bukan takat berpegang tanganharta dan jamuan nafsu tidak berkekalanbila menjelang tua bukan itu jadi bekalandan jangan puisi ini disalah tafsir pulabukan berkhutbah cuma betuli diri juaingin hidup sempurna aset nilai berjuta,saling tukar wanita,senyum dan mati tuabakat dikurnia jangan disalah gunajangan kufur nikmat yang diberi percumaguna kelebihan untuk hikmah bersamajagalah nama hidup penuh pementasan dan dramaada berisi ada yang kurus,ada melencong ada yang lurus bukan semuanya tulusada sempuna ada kurang upaya ada yang jadi buta hanya bila sudah kayasebesar rumah bermula dengan sekecil bata,boleh hilang dalam sekelip mataucaplah alhamdulillah bukannya sukar, kerna semua nak kaya atau besartetap Allahuakbar!!!Joe

Flizzow: jadikanlah ku tentera Fisabilillah yang tertera di kalimah harap memanduilahentah apabila persimpangan tiba,hidup penuh rintangan harus kuhadapinyaharapku tidak terlupa diri bila gembira,dan cuma mula mencari kau disaat hibaku cuma manusia penuh dengan kesilapan tapi bisa membezakan cahaya dan kegelapantabah bila dihalangan duri onak dan cobaanteguh bila dicobakan keruh kuasa dan perempuansentiasa legar diminda,dikejar dan dipinta dari zaman bermula hingga ke akhirnyaku mengerti siapa ku tanpamu disisi dan apa guna posesi juga posisisementara ini cuma hanya puisi,nukilan tulisan dan bisikan isi hatimencari keterangan,menjiwai peranan menepati pesanan janji juga sarananalhamdulillah atas kurniaan rezeki,moga tidak terleka dalam perjalanan ini

Ahli Fiqir: aku yang memandang di dalam lubuk hati,mencari-cari zat rahsia yang katanya tersembunyiaku yang melihat alam meliputi wujud menyertai lalu ku pindahkan alam ke dalam mata hatiaku hakiki,aku mengerti segala yang terjadi di langit dan di bumigunanya tiada fantasi, pelik dan benar,qada' dan qadar kau berilah ku kekuatanagar dapat ku hindarkan segala kesesatanusah kau biar nafsuku terliur dari pandangan majazi ini,aku yang hodoh lagi hina amat benar merinduimoga cahaya lailatul tak membutakan mataku,semoga segala puji tak ku meninggi dirimoga segala janji dapat juga ku penuhi,moga dapatku hadapi tikaman dari belakanglidah setajam pisau, ku tidak akan risau dengan cabaran sepanjang perjalananku pasrah ku akur 7,8,6 Alhamdulillah Syukur...

Dian Sastro: sujudku pun takkan memuaskan inginku'tuk hanturkan* sembah sedalam kalbuadapun kusembahkan syukur padamu ya Allahuntuk nama,harta dan keluarga yang mencintadan perjalanan yang sejauh ini tertempaalhamdulillah pilihan dan kesempatanyang membuat hamba mengerti lebih baik makna dirisemua lebih berarti akan mudah dihayatiAlhamdulillah,Alhamdulillah,Alhamdulillah....

Answers

2007-11-11T00:03:00.000+08:00

Answers

Today...I spent the whole day in school mugging. While at it, I managed to actually surf youtube and find some really neat stuff. It all started fm pacheabel cannon. It made me remember the version they had from my sassy girl and then...to this video, I BELIEVE. Do take note that the lyrics do not reflect my thoughts. But it sure is sweet. Anyways, Ive found answers to questions that ive been asking myself for a very long time. I wonder why it was not brought up before. If it really mattered that much...then why wasnt it discussed when I asked. Im no god, I have my flaws and im not able to see things in the way others see it. When I told you problems I had with you, why didnt you say the same about me? Why is there no communication?

Well..it just tels so much. But, hey its over and done with :)
Im just glad It finally came out from your mouth :)

"If I happen to lose a job, I can always go find another one, However, other things, when I happen to lose them, I might never get them again."

Anyways....enough about this.

This is the subtitle for what the protogonist said to the guy regarding tips on tackling his EX

"...if she hits you. act like it hurts even if it doesn't. If her feet start to hurt trade shoes with her. On your anniversary bring her a single red rose and present it to her in front of a group of people..."

If you have not watch this movie, I urge you to watch it

This is the full version of what he said...

I dont need them

2007-11-06T16:50:00.000+08:00

I dont need them

Its just passed asar....and this mind couldnt focus much to study...so I decided to blog for a lil bit. I think I need a break....from all the shity things in my life right now, to reassess myself and plan for the next few years of mylife. Since things happened, I think I need to change the plan I had before.

I always think that I need someone.....someone who I can care for, someone who can care for me and etc...and prolly cos of my age too...im not getting any younger. Well, maybe I dont need it as much now...as in maybe its not the right time to be thinking about all of this. They are right, why do I need to worry about these issues when all it does is make life more complicated for me. Further more...Im a guy...time is not a factor for me.Love will come....maybe its already there...present...but im not able to cherish it as much.

Complications which will lead to my downfall. (it has proven me right so far).

So I ask myself....are all these necessary? True, id feel left out when I go out on outings with friends who are already attatched or engaged, true it will get lonely and all but hey....at least im free to make decisions for me now...and not thinking about how it might affect the other party. In short..im free....

So lets get myself conditioned to how things were a few years back...when im single and had so much time for myself, friends whom I can send my time with till late. I realised somethings from a friend today...things related to watever that ive been bothered with. Im not at any lost. And from my observation...I dont think I am too. Its impossible to explain stuff to people when their mind is fixed,

"What use is your eyes if you cant see...What use is your heart if you cant feel"

" Apa gunanya mata jika itdak dapat melihat, apa gunanya hati jika tidak dapat merasa?"

I have too many flaws......flaws which im trying to correct. However, there are just things that I cant ammend.My Identity...what makes me..ME. You know..like things you hear bout ppl..oh..hes very stern, hes very matured...oh him? He is smart and well organized. ME? Im just a carefree funny guy. The merepek guy who doesnt seem to know what he's doing....the kind that seems to not bother bout crucial things. Well sit down with me for coffee...id let you see a different side to your assumptions. I tease alot....thats heriditary...dad got it from gramps....and I got it from dad. Thus explained. My outlook deceives not only others but me as well. I seemed casual in times of crisis, look 18 when im 25....(hahaha) and even forced to show my IC when I buy my ciggs. I use to get complaints about my dressing."can you wear something appropiate...thats kinda like your age?" WHAT? Sorry but yanz dont do shirt and pants. I wear what I feel comfortable in...even if it does look a bit off.....as long as im not breaking any rules...im rather contented.

Ok this entry is just to occupy my time and gain my alertness...Im not 'whining' or anything and its not so private and personal as to be blogged in LJ.

Im ammused by how ppl tend to judge me....without even giving some benefit of a doubt. Heh....too bad.

Ok now its back to ROBOTICS EE4268. Buck up buddy....juz a bit more....and the world is yours....

All the best 4 the Exams peeps

God Bless

The butterfly

2007-11-04T12:22:00.000+08:00

The Butterfly
Qisas.com

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go nofurther.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened!
In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were Allah’s(God’s) way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If Allah allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
We could never fly!

This is so true isnt it. Personally, If I hadnt go thru what I did, I wouldnt be where I am today. It made me wiser in many ways and see things better. (:

"It does feel lonely at times...but you just have to keep yourself busy"

The Big reunion

2007-11-03T21:10:00.000+08:00

The Big Reunion

After a long night at An-Nadha Mosque for the NTUMS Movie marathon cum Qiam, I zoom off straight after subuh (taking 15 min fm Bishan to Jurong West!). Got home, checked my mail, and zonked out.

I woke up around 2, to be awaken by my sister, all dressed up. The situation was, Dad has a big high school reunion today. Ive confirmed with Mum that non of them are bringing their kids and so, I dont have to go. I dont know why but the conclusion was, all of us have to go. Ok im not in a mood to argue and all after ive just had a so called 'holy night' at the mosque, so im so not gonna waste that night for a blown up arguement.

So the plan was to go to a Mr Husairi's house at sembawang. So once there, we were rather impressed by the greenery of the place. Its a cluster terrace and its 5 floors high inclusive of the basement. So we met the rest of the gang. The clique from Pasir Panjang Secondary, Sunaryo, Anwar, Din, Maliki, Husairi and Nuriza(Mrs Husairi). Mr Jais couldnt make it though.

As expected, none of their children came. reasons "Oh my children are all grown up." My dad replied "My Son is also grown up what" haha...well...its not like I like to tag along my parents ok. Its just that as the eldest son, I think I have to get to know his close friends. Its highly encouraged.

So I felt really awkward, but as always, I made conversations with them, here and there.Now when we were ushered to eat , We kinda overheard that their (Husairi and Nuriza) daughter's name is Shirin..Shirin Husairi. Yanti found her oddly familiar. We then concluded that she was the one from Singapore Idol's first season. This was later confirmed by Mdm Nuriza.

She was there, entertaining her guests, Shes 24 and boy does she look different. Shes very friendly though and she is still active singing in private functions. We exchanged a few words and then she was off...for a performance.

It was a rather fulfilling event. Dad realy looked happy, meeting old buddies...reliving old times. Cik Husairi even had their old photos scaned into his phone...cool! Dad looked so good back then...hahaha

Happilly Ever after

2007-11-02T00:57:00.000+08:00

Happilly Ever After

Lately, some of my friends are already getting married, some engaged, some still in their endless romance. And me? Here I am, back to where I was...alone.
Experience taught me a great deal, some I take with a pinch of salt, some I still have fear in...But most importantly, it had taught me lessons which I cherish for life. Ive seen a new shed of light. Im embracing this new found wisdom.

Marriage is something that most of us would want to end up in. To have someone who loves you more than themselves, to know that you can count on that person, to feel safe and wanted. However, lately, the idea of a sacred and hapilly ever after marriage seemed rather unrealistic. There are stories of wives cheating behind their husbands and vice versa, divorces and so on. A friend related a story of a doting wife and mother...who slips into the car of another man to offer him a BJ. WTH?!

I am a believer of Marriage. I would want to have and lead a family of my own, full of love and respect, the kind that I am brought up in. However, Im constantly having this fear...that such dreadful things mentioned earlier might befall upon me (Nauzubillah).

On my part, Im sure that id commit...but the same doesnt go both ways. I worry constantly if ive made the right choice, to know that my future partner is someone I can trust, and not go flirting around. Ive been cheated before by one of my 'partners'...and I do not want to be there again. Thank God it ended. For it could have been worst.

I hope shes happy where she is now.

Well...its kinda weird to be thinking about this. I mean I wouldnt want to But, i think its about time I question myself about this things. Im 25 for crying out loud.

Ive had my share of mistakes, maybe these insecurities got to the better of me. I dont blame anyone for this....this are issues I need to deal with....

May god shower me with his mercy and blessings.

(I hate talking about this kinda things!!)

Kian

2007-11-01T19:43:00.000+08:00

Kian

Kian jauh

Kian hilang

Kasih antara kita

Nampak tenang

Pada zahirnya

Tapi batin terseksa

Yang terguris tak nampak dimata

Yang terhiris terluka

Sesekali terbit air mata

Tahan sebak didada

Ke manakah..nak dibawa

Resah kian melanda

Di manakah Hendak ku khabar

Pilu di dalam dada

Yang kekal Disana

Biarlah..kita bersama

Usahlah

Hanyut terus terlena

Kerana dunia

Pada aku masih ada Kasih belum terhakis

Sebenarnya..sudah lama

Ku sungguh berkecil hati

Everything

2007-10-30T14:46:00.000+08:00

Everything

Ive not been blogging for some time now. Busy with things in life...like exams and shit. Anyways...its 2 weeks to exams...PANIC BUTTON (pressing repeatedly).

My personal life have been the same...nothing much. Ive found out what needs to be done though...and its to move on. 'Thank you so much for rectifying the problem.'

In my midst of staying emotionally detatched, I see ppl who cant wait to leap to another..in a matter of 3 months. One happened to be somone I used to date. We broke up around the same time. I asked her, how come you are back in one? ( cos she said shes bz and stuff...so its hard to have a relationship..(what crap) )She replied, oh he really cares for me. Hmmm

Well personnally, I think its a rebound. I mean...for gals espeacially (PS this is not the first time this happened to her), when guys know that you just broke up, they will step in and play their game. They will be the solutions to all your problems..and of cause..caring and pampering you in the process. In relation to the break up, of cause he will seem like an answer.(She found out the prev bf was a total jerk). Anyways....gals on rebounds are easy targets for guys...so be weary ok.

To each his (or her in this matter) his(her) own.

Ive been goin on raya outings.....two weeks of em, one with my ns buddies(first half) and the MS seniors (2nd half). It was weird being the only single onewhen being with my NS mates. You know..they all had partners and stuffs. Oh well..haha...life goes on.

The recent one was this past weekend. Was invited by Zan to join his exco for jalan raya. Thanx bro. Its was a memorable experience. We also haf bro Musa and Abdullah..two exchange students from French and Canada respectively. On the way to Liyanas house, we saw a 'free show'. a couple fighting...haha cool.

The visit to Liyanas house was a blessing in disguise. I learned something that day...somthing that id keep to myself.

(256) Allah is the Protector of those who have faith: from the depths of darkness, He will lead them forth into light. Of those who reject faith the patrons are the Evil Ones: from light they will lead them forth into the depths of darkness. They will be companions of the fire, to dwell therein (for ever)- Al Baqarah.

Anyways...I was browsing through U tube for the unplug version of everlong by foo fighters. I stumbled along something intresting. Its this fanwor k for "one tree hill"
They look like a very sweet couple...acting out stages in our life that we can relate too.
I find it meaningful in a way.

The back ground is Everytime by Lifehouse.....enjoy,

Find Me HereSpeak To Me
I want to feel youI need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want,
You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Football

2007-10-24T00:55:00.000+08:00

Football

Truth be told...I am a 'slowdancer'

Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer

Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.

While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

Why do I indulge myself in this kinda things

Anyways....I learn a powerful lesson today.....by someone successful

Life my dear friend is like a football match. In the first half of it, you have to work very hard, increase the tempo, do nothing except for scoring goals. There will be a half time.During this time, you have to re access your strategy, especially for the 2nd half. You are more tired by then, with not much stamina left, you have to play a different ball game.

Retire by 43....thats what I want.

However in most games, Its important to have a game plan. Now is the time for you to do so.

Wise words indeed. Thank you sir.

Final countdown

2007-10-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

The Final Countdown

Today I called in sick. Sick because I cant get out of bed due to an irritating headache, those kind that makes you want bang yourhead against the wall, so as to distract urself from the throbbing pain. I have a quiz today. 20%.

I took MC.

Normally, we are eligible to have a make up quiz because its is a legitimate reason. However, when I emailed the prof for a make up. He said "it is ok."

What? excuse me? did he hear me correctly?

So I emailed him again. and he replied " ur exam take 100%"

Freaking shit. I dunno if thats good or bad. Crappy lousy lazy bugger. Ok im furious and im really mad. The first and only time I take MC in my 4 yrs of education and I have to get this kinda treatment. Its ok yanz..move on...things happen.....

Things happen.....I hope its for the better..I hope

You know the saying "action speaks louder than words". well it kept lingering in my mind....In fact another saying also kept lingering in my mind " Kerana nila setitik, susu sebelange rosak" meaning due to one incident, all the good things youve done in the past is voided. Why? because its easier to see one's mistake than to accept his deeds.

No matter what Ive done, It wouldnt matter. I get it now.

Only time will tell all...and only time will heal all wounds.

Maybe im not ready for this....as much as I think I am. But one things sure. I did come out a better person and im happy for that :)

To realise your strength and weakness....I paid a hefty price for it..
Is it worth it?

I am my worst enemy....so buck up dude.....Uve got a long way to go....a few more months....and InsyaAllah....Ud do fine....

I should stop regretting.
Breathe in......

farewell

2007-10-17T03:28:00.000+08:00

Farewell

The time is near my dear friend. You will be going far away. We are going to miss you so much. Your kindness will we remember always, your joy and laughter will always linger in our mind. As you have left some words for us, Id like to return the favour. You are a great friend Soff. I will always appreciate those times you were there for me. I really do. Thanks for the listening ear aight..and also for tolerating me at times.HAHA...

Have a safe journey. Enjoy your stay there and dont worry bout things back home aight. We will make sure nothing change since the day u left....well nothing much that is.. Osh might br growing some hair, Kat might get attatched and me I might grow a goatie..Hahaha...

Take care friend
We love you 'mummy'

Yanto F6

We had a 'Raya Gathering cum bday celebration for the October babies, Ierfan and Soffz. HAPPY BDAY U GUYS!

Anyways...I had a deep talk with Osh.......hey....im not alone in this.

To those who are thinking about breaking up, Id say dont give up just yet

Like what me and Osh agreed on, the saying "you treasure things more when you lose em" is so true

Well..its how you deal with it and move on with life.

So if there is still a spark of hope, id say hold on yah

Shit like this happens all the time. [DAMN]

To infinity and beyond

2007-10-14T15:01:00.000+08:00

Hope

"There is no god but YOU.I was indeed wrong"

[Al-Anbiyaa: 21:87]

"So the fact is that along with every hardship there is also ease. Indeed, with every hardship there is also ease!"

[94:5-6]

We really learn hard after we fall dont we?

Anyways....I thank God for opening up my mind to things. Thank him for giving me the oppourtunity to gain knowledge, to know myself better, to realise my strength and weakness, before im ready for anything. Ive gotten to the habit of reading nowadays. Reading spiritual texts made me realise how similar they are to those motivational writers as well as self-help authors like Dale Carnegie.

Ive learnt to be more of an realist...instead of an idealist. Ideals are ok...but you cannot change people to suit them. Its easier to change yourself than to change others. Knowing what I want has breathe in a new meaning. I just have to be patient.

"Those who truly persevere will truly receive a reward without measure"

[39.10]

In the light of Shawal, I would like to sincerely apologise to those whom I might hurt or done malice upon, either intentionally or not, physically or by thought. If ive done you wrong, do tell me and together we wll reflect and learn. Life is too short...too short.

Eid Mubarak

Ive stumbled upon some intresting materials

As a guy, in my opinion, I find it earnest and sincere.

1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!(oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than ALOT OF GUYS..you're a HOE) (Also this one, i'll change if people want me to, people have different life styles)

2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3... Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.NEW*

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile when there attracted to them

6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

11. Guys get jealous easily.

12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

16. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

17. Guys are very open about themselves.

18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.

19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.23. Guys will brag about anything.

24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he'stoo-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.

30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

37. Guys don't really have final decisions.

38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

50. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.

52. We don't like girls who are too skinny.

53. We love it when girls talk about there ass.

54. Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....

55. Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours...

56. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually.

57. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..

58. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...

59. Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.

60. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

ps: Tho those who have trouble in relationships or keeps failing in one, Who cant seem to find the perfect one. Hope this will help.

Happy Times

2007-10-11T02:58:00.000+08:00

Happy Times

Its 3 am in the morning and I still cant sleep. The coffee I had earlier must have kicked in. Smart move? Well if you want to have energy to stay up till midnight to finish up a stupid report in school and also drive safely back home, then I guess you dont have much of a choice.

Ive not been blogging for quite a while....been very busy lately. Busy with my endless reports which keeps piling up and also busy with settling my own personal issues. "You are your greatest enemy" That quote keeps poping in my mind lately. Im really getting spiritual about all this stuff im facing lately. Why things happen...Why they are as such and why am I faced with all this now, during my final year. I need to concentrate..I seriously do..but its just too hard. Getting more in tuned with my spiritual self kinda help me from getting into more trouble lately. I have got to stay positive and stop thinking about why things have to happen. Stay strong and move on. Theres no point thinking about improving things when its only me who wants it.

If this is a test from HIM, then I will accept it.

I realise alot of things in this 3 months. Realising things about myself and realising how to control my emotions better. My only regret is to not realise things earlier. If I did, maybe the futute might have been different. Well as they say, to attain true happiness, you have to go through pain and hardships. Thats where you sincerely grow and mature. Im not perfect, that I know..and accepting my flaws and admitting them is the only REAL thing that I hold on to. To be true to myself

I can say that im a different person in comparison to what I was before. Whatever it is, I now know what I must do

Memories can be painful at times...but some are what you hold on too to keep you going. I just want to smile again...as sincere as a smile can be.

The last family holiday....a moment of bliss and happiness

Plunged out

2007-09-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

Plunged out

"There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart' body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

If you can save these tears from crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You will see a different man
But baby here I am"

- unknown

'Sometimes in life, you will get into something called a phase. Whereby it messes you up and starts taking you to places unimaginable. Things and ideas foreign to you will somehow be similar...and worst of all if there is a poor level of communication...(in a relationship) things can get sour. I thought its was impossible...but it kinda hit you unknowingly.

I was happy once. But happiness did come with a price. And I was tested. The phase I went through came unknowingly and unexpected. Within weeks, the effects were unimaginable. I stumbled and paid a dear price for it.

For months HE tested my sincerity...and only he knows the answer. It does not matter now, things happen and life has to move on. Even those you hold dear too might slip away un knowingly. Aziz M Osman is now a single. A father of 5 children....and an ex wife who is attatched to someone else. They were a happy couple for 15 years. It just crumbled one day. How tragic that is. My idea of marriage and this idea of love is somehow questioned. Im looking for something solid, something that can bring me to my last breath.

To you I surrender my self....may you bless me with the richness of life."

- unknown

Theres hope just yet

2007-09-27T16:13:00.000+08:00

Theres Hope Just yet

Ive stumbled upon an inspiring video. One that explains the meaning of Love. Of sacrifice and selflessness. There is still hope. There is still hope

Thanks to Singa Sepet for sharing the video.

So are we still alone?

Society amuses me

2007-09-26T15:30:00.000+08:00

Society Amuses me

Im facing collateral damage soon. A week full of Quizes (tests) and exams around the corner. I go through this phase every year, every semester in fact. If you see me cursing the institution or MOE, then you know it has begun.

I used to think that life was already planned out for me. I go through stages in my life, passed the tests and proceed on to the next stage. However, Its been a while since im trapped in this stage im currently in. I cant seem to progress. And honestly, its getting tiring. Minus the religious purpose in this life. I know that my reason here is to leave a legacy. One that will bring forward my name and that of my forefathers. Its amazing how ive come to this. Is it really mine? Or am I being influenced. Society have somehow set certain guidelines for us. Guidelines not rules, which are so vague and unfirm. Whats right and wrong may be the creation of one single mind. A mind that we are to trust. However, History have a way of revealing things. even history itself is a pact of lies in favor or those in power. So what is it that we based our lives on. Luckily for me, I have the Quran. The way of life. However even muslims do not seem to follow whats given to them. They either do less or do more.

Ok, lets not touch on religion. Even before we were born, our lives are already mapped out. Have you considered that? "I want my son to be a lawyer" " I want my son to be an acountant" "I want my daughter to go to RGS" etc etc. This realy make you feel owned dont you. As in theres a tag at the back of your feet saying "property of so and so. I agree that to a certain degree, it is appropiate cos kids are dumb. They think that they know the world. In reality, they only see 'their' world and not the reality as we see it. The path stops after 10 years of education. From there on, its time for the child to carve his own future. So as parents, pray hard that when that time comes, you have already equipt the child with the neccessary tools. Theres a difference from mapping the road, and helping to map the road, If you have raised the child well, they will occasionally go back to you, to keep tabs on whether they are doing good. If not, they will be drifting....and when you see that, you know that youve failed and have to reel him/her back in. Its not easy...the reeling...you might even break ur line. Thats where patience sets in. ( The things I observe from fishing).

As I sat at the corner of Orchard road a while back, looking at all these strangers walking along, Each with their own story to tell, I wish I can just pick one out and get to know him/her. Its like watching a movie...only that this time, its real. Life is lonely.I feel like that often. And seriously, I believed that life was all about me. It might sound selfish but to an extent its true. Im going to answer for everything, who would want to watch my back? However, certain experience I go through in life taught me that im not. Even if i am as such physically, emotionally and internally im not. We cannot function alone. We need each other. "Hidup bermasyarakat". Amazingly, The Army taught me an important lesson in this. "its about the person next to you". Sounds familiar? It was from BLACK HAWK DOWN. Eric Bana said that to the ranger before going back into the battle zone after moments from leaving it . If we only think about ourselves, life will be shallow wouldnt it. However, if we can touch the lives of others, then its a sea of possibilities. We are lonely, unless we have bonds. Thats what tells us we are alive. To hear our name mention from the tongues of others, to have our body held by others, to have our heart touched by others and ou mind inspired by others. How so can we say we are alone. An orphan who lives alone and has no other human to talk too. He is alone. However, the greatest bond of all...is that of you and the creator. Once you get that..then you will never be alone.

There is no right or wrong. Everyone have their own defination of right and wrong. Common sense to one may not me common sense to another. Experience and knowledge that we have varies from one individual to another. The only conclusion, there is none. We are capable of compassion. Our souls are pure, its untouched by the rubbish we get from this world. So touch your heart, not your mind, your heart...let your soul ans you....and you know if its the best thing to do. The best thing to do may not always be the right one. and vice versa. But faith is a great tool isnt it? Try taking the left path for a change...even if its against social norms. However, keep track of your path..so that when you get lost, you know your way back.

"Live free, Die hard, Bad boys for life...."

Take A Look Around

All the teachin' in da world today All the little girls fillin' up da world today When the good comes to bad, the bad comes to good But I'm a live my life like i should Now da critics wanna hit it This hit? How we did it, just because they don't get it But I'll stay fitted, new era commited Now this red cap gets a rap from these critics But do we always gotta cry Do we always gotta live inside a lie Life's just a blast cuz its movin' really fast So ya better stay on top or life'll kick you in the ass Follow me into a solo Remember that, kid, so whatcha wanna do And where ya gonna run when your stari'n down the cable of my mic Pointed at yo grill like a gun Limp Bizkit is rockin' the set It's like russian roulette when you're placin' your bet So don't be upset when you're broke and you're done Cuz I'm a be the one till I jet I know why you wanna hate me Cuz hate is all the world has even seen lately And now you wanna hate me Cuz hate is all the world has even seen lately Does anybody really know the secret Or the combination for this life and where they keep it It's kinda sad when you don't know the meaning But everything happens for a reason I don't even know what i should say Cuz I'm an idiot, a loser A microphone abuser I analyze every second I exist Beatin' up my mind every second with my fist And everybody wanna run Everybody wanna hide from da gun You can dig a rat through this life if you want But you can't dig the edge off a knife (no sir) And now you want your money back But you're denied, cuz your brain's fried from the sack And there aint nothin' i could do Cuz life is a lesson, you'll learn it when you're through I know why you wanna hate me Cuz hate is all the world has even seen lately And now you wanna hate me Cuz hate is all the world has even seen lately Now... I... know... why (now I know why you wanna hate me) I know why you wanna hate me Cuz hate is all the world has even seen lately And now you wanna hate me Cuz hate is all the world has even seen lately

Wat the hell is wrong..

2007-09-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

What the hell is wrong

Saturday

I was supposed to be at The National Library in the morning, however, I fail to wake up. My alarm clock failed me, I failed me and ontop of it all, failed you. Honestly I apologise ok. You dressed up huh? trying to seduce our lecturer is it...hahaha

So in my dazed, I got dressed and made my way to TAPAC. Im learning bass now. Rather a cool instrument to play. Im also picking up guitaring again. Its been a long while, however, that particular song made me want to pick it up again. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be good enough to play on it for real, churning every trail of thought to lyrics and every chordless hums as melodies. That would be nice.

I was invited over to Darul Shifaq, an old folks home located in West Coast, to help prepare and celebrate the mid autumn festival. Its sad to see this folks, some struggling in their wheelchairs, some gazing endlessly at the entrance; waiting for a familiar face, others just restlessly burrying themselves in deep thoughts. Their eyes are filled with sorrow. Deserted and uncared for by blood or some given the delusion that life here will be better. Its a sad and painful ordeal. My loneliness is nowhere near theirs. My sadness is but a teardrop in the sea of tears

As candles were carefully placed in the lanterns, these folks, with that slight joy present in them did their best to put on a smile. As candles were lit....so did their faces. The warmth and radiance of it can turn the grey clouds white again.

Wheelchairs strolled off the ramp and onto the bricked road, with lanterns held by frail gentle hands. Laughters and voices long hidden were released,piercing the silence of the night. Like small kids they were, giggling and amused by the colorful lanterns. Sadly the moment cannot last for long. Before long, they are back within the walls that protect them. Walls which they have got accustomed to. Walls which they call home. When all the patients are back to their beds, the non-residents help clear up the area. It will be a months time till our next meet. And they will count the number of days in their sleep. When the first 'Takbir' is heard echoeing in full solemness, thats when they know the day is coming near. Till then, take good care and with Gods will, we shall meet again.

Sunday

Sunday, back to Tapac for a meeting. Its a reflective session and as usual, everyones a victim. Farid for his magic capabilities, Osh for his lack of hair, and me for having a 'different' sense of fashion(hair inclusive). This is something we have gotten used to of cause. Every conversation with Encik Salleh is always a fruitful one. Knowledge was passed down, words of wisdom recorded for our own benefit, music skills; to complement our hollow lives. May we all pull through all the hurdles ahead.amin

I iftared at gramps. Meeting aunts and uncles, cuzzins and also the newly borns. The house was what you migh call, rowdy. It was bustling with laughter. This side of the family, is one that I am most comfortable with. For with this side, you feel at ease, no hipocracies, no agendas, nothing. Just simple earnest people who cares and has lots of love to give. its just 3 out of 7 and already its going haywire. imagine if all the children came down. haha...that will happen on first shawal. And id be there, armed with my video camera, taking photos of their sad faces, during the forgiveness session. After that, id just blackmail them for money..HAHAH

" If im no longer worth the attention or even your time, do let me know
If a minute of ur time is hard to forgo, do let me know
For I hate feeling ignored that you must know
I know im nothing more....but at least say it and i'll know"

~ unknown

Geylang Serai

2007-09-22T01:34:00.000+08:00

Geylang Serai

I had a very dissapointing and unfruitful day at TP today. This is because, our design have not even been vetted yet. And its already a week, Gosh Im starting to worry. So me and Iz spent the whole day enjoying the free wireless access, and of cause, alittle work here and there. After dat, we left early and I spent my time roaming around TM. THe place sure brings back memories. I fell in love with this black jacket @ SnK selling for $19!! wat a good deal lah...still contemplating to buy or not...any takers ppl? its only $19! buy me one puhlease.... HAHAHA

I made way to Paya Lebar. During the train ride, I notice that after each stop, There are more Malays on board the train. And after each stop also, The 'wild' level increases. haha. Its amazing this Geylang phenomenon. Its like the ultimate endurance test. Cos there, Chicks of all shape and sizes are there...and they are dressed to kill I tell you. The irony.

Ok I reached Payar Lebar around 445pm. Mum and my siblings wnt be here till after maghrib. I surveyed the area with the 'LUXURIOUS' time allocated to me (TIRED wei!!..Did I mention that I brought along my lap top and notes?! Heavy!) After walking around endlessly an excruciating pain for more than an hour, I stop by Darul Arqam to do my prayers and rest. They have this nice bookstore. I didnt noe wat force drew me into it but it made me buy 3 books. Inspirational ones in these dire times. I met a familiar face there, Shiq , from rebutia. Its hilarious the way she approach me. cos I believe shes been wanting to say hifor some time but was unsure. Im glad she did though, Had a brief conversation. I buka-ed at Masjid Khalid. My favourite buka spot...I love their Nasi Briyani. Too bad....there were none today..But alhamdulilah, I didnt starve.

The food they serve was not bad. I was rather full actually. After Maghrib, Went on to observe the Geylang phenomenon.... Met a familiar face again...This time its Abg Azroy Sulaiman. A veteran artist. Hes selling deng deng if im not wrong. Oh its infront of the Banquet, near the Bridge.

Mum called soon after I took this shot, In my daze of mesmerization, for the tireless beauty of Geylang serai.

Shopping with mum has always been a test of patience and endurance. Anyways got myself nice stuff to wear this coming raya. Its different from the rest of my baju kurungs. Anyways While paying for the goods, An Angel drop by in the name of Rohani. If only words can describe wat I saw. Anyways we exchange glances and smiles. And I saw her staring from the corner of my eyes (which was confirmed by my bro, haha) Im gonna visit 2nd chance again. HAHAHA

While mum was looking for her stuff, I took Herman out to shop for caps. We rendevous we Dad who came at just the right time. To pressure the ladies to hurry. I was becoming restless.....and the bag wasnt helping. After much pestering from me, they finally left TKC. Only to be distracted by the carpet auction outside.

She bought a $30 carpet by the way. Good catch

I was happy when we finally got to city plaza, To the CAR!! Amusingly, God had other plans for me. It came in the form of ' Find the carpark' game. 4 families, one objective, OUT. Who will win?

HAHA..we were all looking for the exit., As the Shopping Centre was already closed, it was dark. and most of the exit doors are locked. Toot rite.

Anyways, Who else found the exit but the ever trustworthy Navigation trained PS, ME. We were saved, YEY

Had a proper meal at Amin Bt Timah after that....
What a day....

You are gonna love this

Title: Foo Fighters - Times Like These

I am a one way motorwayI’m the one that drives awayThen follows you back homeI am a street light shiningI’m a wild light blinding brightBurning off aloneIt’s times like these you learn to live againIt’s times like these you give and give againIt’s times like these you learn to love againIt’s times like these time and time againI am a new day risingI’m a brand new skyTo hang the stars upon tonightI am a little dividedDo I stay or run awayAnd leave it all behind? It’s times like these you learn to live againIt’s times like these you give and give againIt’s times like these you learn to love againIt’s times like these time and time again

Chasing neverland

2007-09-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

Chasing Wonderland

Thursday morning is again one of those times I wish someone would not discover school and education. It was my heaviest day which stretches from 830am to 630pm and only 2hrs of break in between. I was awaken by my half dead alarm clock, (Its not mine, Someone took my ALARM CLOCK and pass me this 'accident' !)

Anyways, Both the 'clock' and my cellphone did their best to wake their master. They did eventually, at TEN. I can hear mum screaming by this time (HAHA). So I woke up and got dressed. Hmmm what to wear? Since im late, the late protocol comes to action. Grab watever that is presentable. ie - not requiring much ironing.

And so JJC hockey jersey it was ppl. Its clean, its nice and minus the JJC and FBT, it looks cool. I rushed off to school along with my new found fren, the laptop. Oh by the way, I pampered it a while back. Bought it conditioner and shampoo as well as new gears to wear. It looks clean now.

Met up with my Group mates for Engineers and Society. Its amazing that not many ppl know of the imminent danger they are in. Assignments are due the week after recess ppl!! and its not just the presentation. 1500 words split among 6 ppl. Do-able....I like the odds. :)

Simaa wanted so much to look at my new hairstyle. Oh yah..I had a haircut. Managed to persuade my hairdresser to open late for me.HAHA. Anyways..sabar lah.....its not like its the end of school. Its just a week break for goodness sake.break? WAT BREAK!!! Im seeing myself coming to school everyday to mug. Hope the Z monsters having its break too.

I took 199 home, and alighted before the shell junction as usual. 99 was right in front.., the 2 ladies who were from the same bus as me already gave chase. And like most SBS drivers that deserve to get beaten up, The driver just took off. And so did I. I ran across the rows of blocks to the next bus stop. I stopped running. Cos the bus was not stopping at the junction and experience tells me that im so not going to make it. As I was walking, the two same ladies picked up their pace...they were running. I was puzzled..so I checked the junction.(by this time the 99 bus had past). 198 was waiting for the green arrow at the junction. And so the 3 of us ran for it..as comical as it seems. When we reached the bus stop, we looked at each other and smiled (things we do sometimes I tell you)

I got home safe. Was a very warm night dnt you think? So, I did my Ramadhans obligation and the rest was history

"I need better equipments to fight the Z army. Any ideas? oh yah....sleeping early is not an option. cos I just cant."

I shall end this entry with a song dats simple yet meaning full. This guy rocks I tell you

EVERLONG

Hello, I've waited here for you, everlong Tonight, I throw myself into and out of the red, Out of her head she sang Come down and waste away with me, down with me Slow how, you wanted it to be, I'm over my head, out of her head she sang And I wonder when I sing along with you If everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when She sang Breathe out, so I can breathe you in, hold you in And now, I know you've always been out of your head, Out of my head I sang And I wonder when I sing along with you If everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say When she sang And I wonder if everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when WALKING AFTER YOUTonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds Dreaming aloud Things just won't do without you, matter of fact I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you If you'd accept surrender, I'll give up some more Weren't you adored I cannot be without you, matter of fact I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back I cannot be without you, matter of fact I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back

light of ramadhan

2007-09-19T00:51:00.000+08:00

In the 'Light of Ramadhan', let as talk about the unexplained miracles that we have faced. Have you ever encounter a miracle? It is said dat we are all protected by two angels. And this being it, I think my angels are forced to do a bit more work.

I had seen miracles from a very young age. I was pr 3 then. And I had this Arts homework to submit the next day. So that sunday night, I only manage to complete the drawing minus the coloring. I know im doomed and having a strict arts teacher is not helping either. So I went to bed in fear of what awaits me the next day. When I woke up, to my surprise, the whole picture is colored and completed, to the way I wanted it to be. I checked with my parents if they did it. They looked confused and puzzled.

Dejavu is something that I experience frequently....and I still cant explain it till now

Moving along...
I was driving along AYE, tired and sleepy. I was from tampines and during the drive back, my eyes just couldnt stay open. So at some moment, My eyes did close and I was doing 100 over i think and at the left most lane. So suddenly, Something woke me up and pulled the wheel to the right.The divider was dead ahead. an eerie chill went down my spine and it kept me awake throughout the ride.

recently, this eerie incident happened
I went home to find the house empty. Feeling very tired, I washed my feet and went to my room. It was raining, so the windows were closed. I opened it slightly as i was feeling unusualy warm. Ive no Aircon by the way. So I slept for a good 3 hrs or so. I woke up, Went to the washroom, lit some buddies and went out. I was hungry. so I decided to cook. WHen I check the stove, I realise that one of them had been practically ON. as in....gas was seeping out for the last 3 hrs!! I freaked out!
So I ran around the house, Opened all the windows and doors. Once done...I sat down and took a breather. I could have died in 2 ways dat day.

1) Gas poisoning, if I didnt open the window
2) Explosion, as the bathroom was in the kitchen.

Maybe its not my time yet

Have you ever seen yourself..as in your body before? I had...and I wasnt dreaming. This happened early in the school in NTU. Im so not gonna sleep at LKC lvl B1 arnd dat time again.

You must be wondering y im telling you all this weird stuff. Well my friends, accept it or not, we are not the only beings roaming around this world. There are other beings...beings that we cant see with our naked eyes. It all lies in faith.
When you believe, Then you can see and feel. Certain practices our fore fathers passed on to us will only work if we believe.

Like putting a grass over your ear to prevent storms, or even slapping your pillow to wake you on time. This 'Traditional' Practices do work. I have seen the effects. Its one thing to be ignorant, but to redicule things that are alien to you is pathetic.

So open your eyes and heart. There are major things at work here.
Ever felt that you are being watched?.....mayb you are...by angels....

Initial D

2007-09-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

Today im gonna intro you to one of my greatest passion in life.

Im not really a trance or house or techno fan...but this music really want to make me push the accelerator all the way.

Racing and cars happen to be my greatest passion besides others. Take a look at the video....see if you see what I mean

By the way, this is taken from the greatest car movie ever produced, Initial D. Based from a Japanese manga and anime, this movie which was produced in 2005 really sets the bench mark for car movies. If you think Tokyo drift is all there is to drifting,Boy you are so wrong

I will guide you along the video

First up, is the Toyata Trueno AE86

The next scene, you can see the Trueno battling the ever powerful Nissan Skyline R32

After that is the trueno with the white Mitsubishi Evo 4

The last part is the final race between Mitsubishi Evo 7,Mazda Rx7 FC32(my favourite!) and of cause the souped up Trueno

look at the way they handle those curves..
And women tot they were sexy.....HAHA

interestingly Ramadhan

2007-09-17T23:35:00.001+08:00

Ok...Ramadhan is surely an intresting month. Have you all heard about the latest phenomenon around the Jurong area? Well as a concern resident, I decided to go and check it out one saturday afternoon.

Jurong West st 42 which is usually peaceful and serene during Saturday afternoons is bustling with ppl. Some as far as JB! And why? Its because, apparently, It is said a natural phenomenon, taking the shape of deities of hindu and buddhist beliefs occured in some of the trees there. To be accurate 3. The deities are of the Monkey God and Guan Ling (Goddess of Mercy)(sorry if i mispelt this),of the Budhist belief, Haruman and an Elephant deity, from the Hindu belief. With any spiritual phenomenon such as this, there are bound to be gamblers around. Ppl looking out for those magic 4 numbers. In fact, a few numbers did arise. The reverse of one of them was actually the top price in the recent Johor sweep. Now you know why ppl as far as JB were there.

At night after visiting my uncle, My family again dop by the place. It was past midnight...and the crowd is getting larger. Prayers and rituals were performed.

I find it intresting. cos now, There are 5 trees being worshipped. Who knows tommorow, the whole stretch? im not kidding!! go check it out if you dont belief

The buddhist monkey god

Hindu Elephant deity

Haruman

Guan ying

I wasnt kidding about the crowd.

Ramadhan

2007-09-14T22:56:00.000+08:00

Ramadhan, a month as pure as a newborn child and as priceless as life itself. Its a time of spiritual rehabilitation. Clensing ourself for past sins and also to be a loyal servant to the Al-Mighty.

A time of Bazaar Ramadhans, Terawihs and raya shopping. Its an interesting month. You know what I mean.

Im feeling nostalgic in the ushering of this holy month. From rocking on to Bon Jovi in secondary school to the groove Jay-Z in NS. From sweet memories to bad ones.

I went to TP again today for lab. Was really productive. Came out with the 2 initial designs on Autocad.

When I got home, my sis was all 'singy' today. She has such a beautiful voice. Sometimes its cool to duet with her.

Im feeling restless...but this mind just cant seem to stop thinking and worrying. Sis introed me to this song..which I find rather soothing...check it out

Heres 'Izinkan ku pergi' by Kaer

IZINKAN KU PERGI (ALLOW ME TO LEAVE)
muzik: Kaer

Sinaran mata, (The eyes,)
cerita segalanya, (tells everything,)
duka lara terbentang, (all the hidden pain,)
memori semalam.. (in previous memories..)

Tinggal segala cinta, (all the love thats left behind,)
tiada kembalinya, (will never come back,)
abadi kasih kita, (our eternal / everlasting love,)
kau bawa bersama, (you brought it with you,)
mimpi indah mekar, (beautiful dreams bloom,)
saat cinta bersemi, (the time when our love blossom,)
sedetik asrama syurga selamanya.. ( a moment of romance is heaven forever..)

*Pergilah rinduku, (my memories just go,)
hilanglah dirimu, (and be gone,)
tak sanggup menanggung, (I'm unable to handle,)
derita dikalbuku.. (all the pain that's in me..)
pergilah sayangku, (my darling please go,)
bermula semula, (it starts again,)
semangat cintaku, (my spirit of love,)
membara kerana dia, (heats up because of her,)
tiada niat ku.. (it's not my intentions..)

**Tersemat jiwa, (your faithful soul,)
setia bersamanya, (is kept together,)
cinta murni berdua, (beautiful love between the two,)
beribu tahun nya, (lasts thousands of years,)
mimpi indah mekar, (beautiful love happens,)
saat cinta besemi, (as our love blossoms,)
sedetik asmara syurga, (a moment of romance is heaven,)
selamanya.. (forever..)

ulang * & ** (Repeat * & **)

Maafkan aku, (forgive me,)
duhai kasih, (my love,)
izinkan ku pergi (allow me to leave)

Iris

2007-09-12T22:05:00.000+08:00

Im having a quiz tommorow....and somehow I cant get my mind focused. Im thinking about things that I shouldnt. I learnt something today...more like the ignorance clouding me is lifted temporarilly. Certain things requires certain level of knowledge to aquire. Its like unlocking that mystery car in "need for speed underground". You need to win several races.
I would want to see the world, but to get that, my knowledge of it has to to be as wide.

Kail sejengkal, lautan dalam jangan diduga

"Dunia ini nyata
Hanya sementara
Dunia ini hanya lapangan ujian
TIdak ada soalan,Tak perlu diulangkaji
Hanya mencari rahsia iman

Dunia ini palsu
Hanya gurauan
Kalau gurauan jadi pakaian keterlaluan
Hidup ini kosong dalam kepadatan ruang

Dunia ini berbangsa berbahasa berbudaya dan beragama
Bangsa berjiwa bahasa atau kehilangan bangsa
Bahasa jiwa bangsa atau langsung tak punya jiwa
Budaya nilai bangsa atau bangsa sudah kehilangan budaya
Agama jadi pedoman atau pedoman jadi agama.."

- part of 'Dunia' - Azman Shariff

"He tried hard to climb out of the misery.
Each painful step taken, Sharp rocks tearing his flesh
As he kept his naked self flat against the wall
Ashamed, he tries hard to save his strength
Tears or red pollutes the pureness below him
He tried taking one more grip ahead
A firm one he got
As he tries puling himself up
The firmness he assumed failed him
He lost his footing
He fell hard and again soaked in the crimson water
crimson water he himself help create
He wont noe if he theres any strength left"

-unknown

Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Its no surprise to be misunderstood
the challenge is to be understood

Stupid gal

2007-09-12T11:20:00.000+08:00

The great pretenders we humans are. Trying to be someone we are not. Ironically, its something that we have to do not something we want to. In all sincerity and innocense, it kinda look stupid. You can pretend...in moderation..dont drift to far away from the ground for someday, you just cant find the way back down.

Then youll be trapped in your own world. the world that only you can conquer.

"Stupid girl"

You pretend you´re high
You pretend you´re bored
You pretend you´re anything
Just to be adored
And what you need
Is what you get

Don´t believe in fear
Don´t believe in faith
Don´t believe in anything
That you can´t break

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

What drives you on (What drives you on)
Can drive you mad (Can drive you mad)
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had

Don´t believe in love
Don´t believe in hate
Don´t believe in anything
That you can´t waste

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can´t believe you fake it
Can´t believe you fake it

Don´t believe in fear
Don´t believe in pain
Don´t believe in anyone
That you can´t tame

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can´t believe you fake it
Can´t believe you fake it

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can´t believe you fake it
Can´t believe you fake it

You stupid girl.

This lyrics are copyrighted by their respective owners (Garbage)

Invisible man

2007-09-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

Sometimes its hard to really know a person...even if you think you do. Sometimes its hard to even be noticed, to be alone. Somethimes you wish you are just that other person but in reality you cant run away. You are hurt but your smile mask the wound. Like a ninja you move in the shadows, and like an injured animal you cower in the cover of darkness. Darkness is your companion and it will be.Welcome to my world. Of not being seen or heard. To not even be a shadow...or a smell. I am the Invisibleman.

Put boyband stereotypes aside. Honour the song and genuine singers. It may be displeasing to the eyes...but bottom line. It make sense.

98 Degrees
Invisible Man
Written by Dane DeViller, Sean Hosein, and Steve Kipner

Verse
You can hardly wait to tell all your friends
How his kisses taste sweet like wine
And how he always makes your heart skip a beat
Every time he walks by
And if you're feeling down, he'll pick you up
He'll hold you close when you're making love
He's everything you've been dreaming of (oh, baby)

Chorus
I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you, all I am is the invisible man

Verse
You probably spend hours on the phone
Talking 'bout nothing at all
It doesn't matter what the conversation
Just as long as he called
Lost in a love so real and so sincere
You wipe away each other's tears
Your face lights up whenever he appears

Chorus

Bridge
(You don't see me)
I see you all the time, baby
(You don't see me)
The way you look at him
(You don't see me)
I wish it was me, sweetheart
Boy, I wish it was me
But I guess it'll never be

Chorus

Reo SPEEDWAGON!

2007-09-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

Ok someone smack me silly...im surfing more than I should.

I finally found my favourite song of yesteryears. The time when songs had a deep meaning to it. Where things besides fashion made perfect sense. This is Reo Speedwagon guys. Listen to the lyrics...

Caught this during Lois and Clare the new adventures of Superman, donkey years ago. It really caught my attention. hope it will to u too.

TO all you lovers out there.....dnt go in too deep. dive in only on safe waters

Can't Fight This Feeling

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl
Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

Words & Music Kevin Cronin
©1984 Fate Music, all rights reserved
Original track from the album Wheels Are Turnin'

Suriram

2007-09-11T20:31:00.001+08:00

hope you like the first one. here is another.

Suriram....my all time favourite children song. Enjoy!

Adikku Sayang

2007-09-11T19:07:00.001+08:00

Hello peeps. So much for keeping this site sort of private. haha. I stumbled upon a few blogs dat have this site linked to. Hmm.. anyways Ive created an LJ for private entries...so mayb its time to make this go public. And with that, its time to try out some video files. Remember TImang Burung. Well this is one of my fav songs there. Pardon me for the noisy background. Cant be helped.Its a Library. Ironic aint it.

Memories

2007-09-11T00:31:00.000+08:00

Memories

Today was a swell day. Went to all lessons deligiently and with utmost discipline. Chilled at the black hole with the usual crowd and saw the unsuspecting 'couple' at NIE. Amazing. When I was going home, Dara called and peruaded me to drop by her hall to makan. The gals cooked! Was super full. tanx gals..and nazlee for sending me home. This are the updates for the weekend

SATURDAY

I took home the pickup truck and had fun with it. Studied the whole morning till Subuh. Neelesh needed help in transporting some cricket equipment to NUS for this Tournament hes organizing. After dat, I went home and slept till noon and got ready for Osh's engagement. I get to meet the F6 after so long. really miss those guys. Soffs looked different..she kinda slimmed down...looks better in a way..and fairer.
So we exchanged stories and did our normal routine of photo takings and being silly.
I ate a lot there...

I rushed of to Tapac around 5 to load the stuff for Sundays show. The kids were having their free time, playing around. Apparently, one of the gals celebrated her birthday dat day. Guess what..more food. God...I took some as her mum really insisted I did.Cobaan.

Dropped off Nurul,Shuhaidah and Ashraf at Jurong East before picking up my sister at Lakeside. Then we rush off for kenduri.

SUNDAY

Went to the cemetary to visit my late grandfathers grave before Ramadhan. Its was super packed. I was rather annoyed by ppl coming in with Big lorries, coaches and even container trucks!! come on people. The roads there are small for crying out loud. These vehicles are the usual culprits for the jams in the cemetary. It took me 15 mins to get in and 20mins to leave. Cobaan

I rushed to AMK library and help settled the equipment before Koko arrives. There was a bit of confusion on who is going to be the nenek. Whether its Nurul or Shuhaidah. Apparently most of them believe that Shuhaidah did not have enough practice for the role. I told them to give her a shot since she did come for the previous shows and practice sessions. So she took the role. Her performance was ok, but I believe she could have done better with more practice. Shes talented. I hope she knows that.I had a bad headache before the show. Must be due to the super hot weather and fatigue. I endured it throughout the whole show...and back to Tapac. Oh yah Syaz came down to give her support. TANX SYAZ!

Back at Tapac, we rested. Me espeacially. since there were no panadols, I juz had to wait till the pain subsides. Farid did something amazing. He took a chair out and sat in the middle of the 'stage' area outside. Soon, we all were doing the same and shifting all the sofa and chairs there.HAHAHA. It was windier there...it helped in making the pain lesser. I helped return the pickup and Koko generously send me home on his bike. Hes going to be enlisted to NS later this morning. All the best bro. Gonna miss u for a while.

I wrote a song today..this is how it goes at the moment

Memories

Memories,
You never seem to fade away from my mind,
Even throughout all this while you are still part
Of me inside, I pray hard to fight

The pain in me,
When I look at all the pictures of us before
Which still struct a chord in my heart my love
And it bleeds again
These memories
Memories

And day and night
I pray that I might find a way to you again
And cherish all the times we had before
For I cant seem to close this book
of memories

~'for all the lonely people out there'

Dont you just hate it when friendship and relationships fail due to pride.
Dont walk away from past mistakes. try to salvage whats left.

Timang Burung

2007-09-07T23:12:00.000+08:00

TOday I went off to TP early in the morning for lab. Got started on the layout of our prototype connector design on Autocad. YEAH. IO skills put in use

Ive to rush off to Bedok Library after Solat. We had a performance at Bedok library. It was amazing. The audience were so fascinated by the lovely kids and their antics. There were singing ,dancing and acting. :) CUTE!

After that, I hangout in TAPAC for a while before sending off cik Salleh to Woodlands Checkpoint. Im having the pickup till Sunday :)

We talked about stuffs.... facinating. Its the first time im there without people in my comfort zone..and I feel comfortable.

A little bit of touch 2

2007-09-07T11:20:00.000+08:00

A little bit of touch....again

sorrow and depression,you will find meaning
A meaning as priceless as time itself
In sorrow and depression you will find strength
Strength which was never realised
In sorrow and depression you will find yourself
To pick yourself up from where you had fallen
In sorrow and depression you will find love
As pure as a child's heart

To feel pain is natural
To feel love is human
To find love is a mystery
To get True Love is a blessing

May you come to me with open arms
Hearts beating as one

Minds in unison and peace

Beneath the crimson sky

The Girl From my Dreams

Ambar Kasturi

2007-09-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

Hello....ok ive writen im my friendster blogs on what happened during the performance day. Now its time for the ending.

Something spooky happened dat nite...before I went to sleep, I felt a hand on my hand. I tot it was Osh's.I checked with him. His hand was no where near me. SPOOKY

So the next morning, we all went to DEKTAR for breakfast, after that we toured around the UKM campus. We then went back for the closing ceremony rehersals. After dat back to our rooms for a few more rounds of taitee.

The group got into a bit of miscommunication. Its between the muda2 lah. But luckily, we wee all matured enough in handling the matter before it gets known to Cik Salleh.

The closing ceremony was grand. Theatre Rimba performed and boy were they great. Our part in the finale was to sing and dance along to the theme song and be all happy and cheery...hahaha
I had a terrible headache dat night..so the first thing after showers n prayers, I swallowed a pill which Ive gotten fm Shuhayedah. I was flat till around 3. I still hear ppl outside. So I went out and boy was I surprised to see Abg Azman there lepaking with Koko and Osh. HAHA...so we lepaked all the way to Subuh.

Next day, we went to KL. Drop by Central Market and had lunch at Kampung Bahru. THe place is one crazee eating haven I tell you. Then we are off to Malacca. Afer getting lost there for an hour, we finally reached Bandar Hilir. Did some shopping for ppl back home.

Before I know it, the trip had come to an end.
Missing you guys

Testing

2007-09-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

Its been a while...ive been thru lots of changes..and going thru one. I have to thank those who have helped....espeacially my wacky zany and delirious family of 6, Famous6. Thanx guyz. This post is dedicated specially for you all

F6 convo celebration @ Mt. Faber

Osh, Ierfan ,Soff, Ain and Kat, thanx for being there. Who would have thought dat a short night out to changi beach and a chill session of sheesha and scrabble at Bugis would turned to this. Im still adapting guys...and I am feeling comfy. :) To many wonderful years ahead in friendship.

Meet u guys soon at Osh's